Okay, before I get to last night's episode I really need to talk about Ashley I. and Jared's FREAKING ENGAGEMENT! This man literally brought Ashley back to Paradise and proposed to her. If this doesn't air in the upcoming season I will be upset and personally contact ABC to file my complaint. I'm also going to need a TV wedding. Congratulations Ashley and Jared, you gave hope to so many people out there! This is the love story Bachelor Nation finally deserves and the true romantic comedy that Ashley always dreamed of having. If you haven't watched The Story of Us yet you really need to. I cried. They're literally the cutest couple and have so much love for each other.
It's also Kaitlyn Bristowe's birthday...her and Shawn B. also deserve their TV wedding. Just all the Bachelor Nation news that has me really excited that I wanted to get out because no one else but people who willingly read these recaps will also be excited about all these things.
Now, let's get into the episode!
If you were playing a drinking game where you took a shot every time someone said 'clown' you would probably be surprisingly very drunk. Yes, it is week four and shit is really hitting the fan. Oh, and everyone was oddly really excited to go to Utah.
The Rose Ceremony
Duh dun dun DUH...David is back! Much to Jordan's dismay. Not only does David come back and annoy Jordan, but Becca gives David the rose prior the rose ceremony because by doctor's orders he had to rest due to his injury. In David's ITM he says the most producer fed line towards Jordan, "I have a rose, bitch!"
I want to like David, I really do. But he is making it so difficult because he is so focused on trying to bring down Jordan that whenever they show him talking he's talking about Jordan. I'm sure David is a great guy, but just like Jordan, we won't be seeing him around for much longer.
Moving right along, Becca may have given David an early rose, but she gave Jordan golden underpants. He then proceeded to tell her that he was excited to brush his teeth in them.
Past all the nonsense, her conversation with Blake was adorable, yet again. They talked about how many children they would want, Blake wants 3-5 kids, and they talked about what they would want to name their kids; they're both a fan of naming girls with boy names. They were giving me all of the emotions.
Nick, the guy who showed up in a racecar suit night one, was randomly wearing a tracksuit at the rose ceremony and was saying how he was really putting himself out there by doing that. Uh, I was a little confused by this because first of all who are you? You're still here!? And since when has wearing a tracksuit meant you are putting yourself out there? Like I mentioned, it's only week four and the men are losing it.
Who Left: Ryan (the banjo guy/guy that looks kinda like Wells Adams) and Mike (the guy with man bun)
Sledding Right into Becca's Heart
As much as I love Blake, I would rather see him as the next Bachelor because there is something special between Becca and Garrett that is honestly magical to watch. When I see them together I see Becca's husband. Just the way he looks at her and is literally so excited to be with her doing anything is so sweet. They were also able to act goofy together in that alpaca store and it was really fun to watch.
Becca says that Garrett reminds her of home and talked about how he reminds her of her dad. If someone says they remind you of someone that they absolutely love and care for, you know it's real because they just don't go around saying things like that. She also says that he makes good eye contact, a great smile that takes up his entire face, good energy, they flow well together, and it's easy and natural. So, yeah, basically Garrett wins in my humble opinion.
Oh, and they got to dance to Granger Smith playing live which was really cool and I was only a little jealous.
But wait HE WAS MARRIED. FOR TWO MONTHS. This was the first time in a long time that I actually caught myself doing an audible gasp and I kinda hated myself for it but that is also not something I was expecting. Becca seemed to be a little put off by it too and I would be, too. Wasn't two months the amount of time Kim Kardashian was married to that one dude? Sketchy.
Rose Received: Yes
Also, when they cut to a scene back at the house with the rest of the guys Lincoln is talking about how he believes that the Earth is flat. So, take that with what you will with the other information we know about him. But I died when Leo side-eyed right into the camera when Lincoln was trying to convince everyone that the world is flat, and we don't fall off the edge because of friction and then he said the world might also be rectangular. ABC do better.
The Lumberjack to Her Lumberjill
I have never cared about lumberjacks or anything this contest entailed until today. This date really pulled out my deep Midwestern roots and I got really into this date. But on the other hand, I would probably pee my pants if I had to climb up that pole thing. This date did have its really terrifying elements because they were literally throwing axes, but it's still not as scary as the show's casting crew letting Lincoln onto the show...
John, the guy who created Venmo, hasn't really been shown much on the season yet but today was his shining moment. He really brought his A game on this date and just destroyed all the other guys who are pretty jacked. I was quite impressed. And so was Becca because she gave him the Golden Axe award. Hopefully, we see him sticking around for a couple more weeks. If not, there's always paradise, John!
Of course, there had to be a little bit of David vs. Jordan drama but there wasn't too much. But what we were given was absolute gold because it was so childish. The dialogue went something a little like this:
David: (to Becca) How do I look?
Becca: You look good!
Jordan: (in his ITM) David looks terrible.
David still has his hospital bracelet on. Jordan prays to this weird God that he thinks basically smites people for him when they do him wrong. Jason shows America that he's a good kisser and Becca confirms. Jordan once again strips down to his golden underpants, gives Becca another unwanted kiss it seems, and the camera crew gives us an uncomfortable view of his butt in said golden underwear.
Colton starts to play the right reasons police which is a bit hypocritical among all the rumors right now. But despite that, he calls Jordan out for making everyone uncomfortable and disrespecting Becca by waltzing around in his underwear more times than not. And Colton calls him a clown a bunch of times. Personally, everyone just needs to relax and enjoy the Jordan show while it lasts because his ride is almost over with. Colton also called himself one of the good guys, but good guys don't feel the need to proclaim that they are good guys.
And then there was Jean. Oh, dear God, this was a new level of confusion and uncomfortable with Jean Blanc and Becca. His first one-on-one time with her after the group date, he gives her a perfume called Miss Becca Blanc and it was a bit odd and you can tell that she was a little put off by it. But whatever, someone comes and interrupts them, and we move on, right? Nope. He comes back to talk to her. Jean tells Becca that he is falling in love with her. Now, I know this is The Bachelorette and things move quickly, but dude it's week four. You've had probably all of four minutes alone with her.
Becca is really uncomfortable as we all sit in silence and wait for something to happen. She politely tells him that it probably isn't going to work out and she walks him to the door. Problem solved, right? Wrong again. Jean then takes back telling her that he loved her and said he only told her that because it's what he thought she wanted to hear. Ah, romance. She got mad and upset and sent him packing.
Group Date Rose: No one
Wills You Accept This Rose?
Wills is finally given the screen time he deserves with a one-on-one with Becca. Becca is still pretty shaken up after Jean lying to her and I don't blame her especially after what Arie did to her. I felt really bad for her when she couldn't even talk to the camera and she was just standing there trying not to cry and her saying that she wants him to go slow with her because she's nervous and feeling off from the previous night.
He is the biggest sweetheart because he said all he wanted to do on that date was to be her partner and make her happy. And that is the kind of man she deserves and I also he makes it to the final four and then hopefully paradise as well because he does seem like a very genuine guy.
Wills talked about his former relationship and how his girlfriend basically said they were over by talking about some hall pass mumbo-jumbo? My heart hurt for the poor guy. It was really nice to see that he was really good at communicating and being vulnerable. I really really like him after this date.
The date was brought to a great close by him giving her a kiss against a wall.
Rose Received: Yes
Another Rose Ceremony
ABC made up for them not giving us a rose ceremony last week, so we got two this week, thanks, Chris Harrison.
There was no cocktail party and we dove right into business. David's commentary throughout had me wanting to shoosh him so bad because all he could talk about was Jordan. We get it, you don't like him, but I can also promise you Becca doesn't like either of you at this point.
Everyone was shocked that Jordan got a rose, but like come one people there have been over 30 seasons of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette combined we know how this works by now.
Who Left: Nick (the tracksuit guy from earlier) and Christon (the Harlem Globetrotter)
Jordan's Best Lines of the Night
- "Nobody puts me in a corner"
- "I'm Captain Underpants, and that's all I got"
- "Not gonna be a big move, but a deep move"
- "Go from Captain Underpants to Captain Steal Your Girl"
Next week, we have the infamous two-on-one with Jordan and David that looks strikingly similar to the iconic two-on-one date from Chris Soules' season with Ashley I. and Kelsey.
So, that's it for this week's episode! But I want to hear what you're thinking! Who are your favorites so far? What did you think about the whole Jean Blanc scene? If you were Becca, would Garrett's previous short-lived marriage be a concern for you? And don't even get me started on The Proposal, but I'm also going to watch it next week.