The Bachelor Week 5
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Will You Accept This Recap? | The Bachelor Week 5

The Bachelor Week 5, Pt. 1

The Bachelor Week 5
ABC/Francisco Roman

Finding the motivation to recap this season is getting exceedingly difficult as each episode airs. This season is influencer boot camp, and instead of one villain, they’re all the villans. I can’t imagine that head injury Peter encountered this week will help his decision making. Peter is out here searching for love when he’s clearly already found it with Hannah Brown. The season is a mess. But let’s get into the Bachelor Week 5 recap.

We had to sit through three hours on Monday and two more on Wednesday. Look, I had to Google what happened on Monday’s episode because it was that forgettable and nothing of substance happened…just like this entire season. I found myself not even paying attention throughout most of this episode which sucks because I love this show. But this season is a hot mess and then some. The girls can’t get a grip and there’s way too much mean girl energy happening to where it’s sickening.

The Cocktail Party Continued…

Last week we left off on the drama centering around Alayha. All the women were mad at Alayha and Peter. Alayha seemed rather unbothered by it all. Peter was visibly confused and upset. Natasha, who I’ve crowned the queen of one-liners said, “Alayah made her bed, and now she needs to Alayah in it”. Pure gold. Finally, Peter basically takes Alayha’s group date away (not literally, although that would have been hilarious). Once again, Alayha is shown the door. Hopefully to stay gone.

Peter returns to the rest of the women, still confused and upset. Then women are still not having it with him and have their own concerns for and about him. But as soon as he says that he’s sorry it seems all is forgiven. All is well in the house…for now.

Rose Ceremony

Who Left: Deandra, Kiarra, and Savannah

Notice the pattern here though: Deandra was outspoken about her frustrations with Peter to Peter, Kiarra was just the cute and funny woman that got out of the suitcase on the first night, and Savannah wasn’t exactly team Victoria P… but either way it was time to ditch Cleveland for Costa Rica.

When they get there, we finally learn about ole Pilot Pete’s famous forehead scar. He starts telling the women this elaborate story about coming face to face with a puma. As he’s telling the story, the women are completely engulfed in his every word. Looks of disbelief and jaws dropped. Only for him to say he’s kidding and all he did was smack his head really hard on a golf cart. The footage looks painful, but you can’t help but laugh. Sorry, Peter.

You’re the best kisser here, just don’t tell my future wife…

The first one-on-one of the night is with Sydney. And they really didn’t do much here. They rode in a helicopter around a volcano. Then they made out. A lot. So much Peter tells her she’s the best kisser in the house and to not tell anyone. Yeah, okay Peter, Sydney won’t tell any of her friends back home where there’s nothing else to entertain themselves but gossip and drink. But seriously I feel bad for whoever he ends up with at the end of this and had to watch it back together. Smells like a fight waiting to happen.

During the evening portion of the date…

Sydney opens up about how she was bullied severely by her peers. So much she didn’t go to homecoming (or was she lying?). She talks about how hard it was growing up biracial with a single mom in Alabama. Her house would be vandalized and she would be told the ugliest words. And it was heartbreaking to hear because no one deserves that. Peter was moved by her vulnerability and basically said he wished racism didn’t exist.

Rose: Yes

Back at the house, Kelsey is talking to Tammy. Kelsey, who started #ChampagneGate but redeemed herself last week on her one-on-one, down spirals again. She tells Tammy she is never going to be okay with Peter dating other women. Clearly, Kelsey isn’t sure what show she signed up for. Tammy tries to help Kelsey think rationally, but Kelsey is drinking so that isn’t helping. After a while, Tammy has had enough and leaves Kelsey and her pity party.

Oh, great…another modeling competition

This date includes: Shiann, Kelsey, Victoria F., Madison, Natasha, Victoria P., Lexi, Hannah Ann, Tammy, and Mykenna.

Another riveting group date is in full-swing where Peter can challenge the women and really get to know their personalities. Yeah, right. Their date is a photoshoot for Cosmo magazine with editor-in-chief Jessica Pels and photographer Tyler Joe. So, basically for this date whoever had the most “personality” in front of the camera would win the spot on the cover of their March issue with Peter. The women looked incredibly hot but again what is Peter learning about them through this date? That they can model, look sexy, and make out with him? Which did anyone else feel super uncomfortable with the women openly making out with him in front of each other. Especially when it was Tammy, Mykenna, and Hannah Ann with Peter in the photo. He had his arm around Mykenna with his tongue down Hannah Ann’s throat. Yikes.

But I guess Hannah Ann’s modeling career for Sonic and Amazon didn’t really give her a leg up on this date because Victoria F. won. So she got the cover with Peter. Just kidding, her racism was brought to Cosmo’s attention and they pulled the cover. Good job, Cosmo.

During the evening portion of the date…

Kelsey is the first (I think) to tell Peter that she is falling in love with him. He tells her he thinks about her a lot and, of course, they make out. Then things escalate between Tammy and literally everyone else. Tammy starts running her mouth about Kelsey’s alcohol intake. She starts telling the other women that Kelsey has alcoholic tendencies. Because she drank when she was upset. I’m sorry, but just because you drink when you’re upset sometimes doesn’t mean that there is a problem there. And if Tammy was actually concerned about Kelsey, she would have talked to her directly about her. Not started gossiping about Kelsey’s mental health to the women and Peter. That’s wrong. And from there, things continued to escalate.

Although Tammy was wrong for what she said, Sydney, Lexi, and someone else totally mean girl-ed Tammy in front of everyone. This entire season is filled with girl hate. I miss past seasons for a lot of reasons but particularly because these women suck and don’t support each other. They constantly throw each other under the bus. Everyone woman is a villain this season it seems. When Tammy tells Peter that she wants to focus on their relationship but can’t because Kelsey is endlessly drowning her sorrows in bottles of wine, it’s hard. Obviously concerned, Peter talks to Kelsey. She says yes she drank and yes she cried. Peter doesn’t seem concerned. Everything is fine.

Kelsey returns to the women and asks, “So are we going to talk about who said I was emotionally unstable today?”. No one wants to own up to it. And that’s that for the night.

Group Date Rose: Hannah Ann

Kelley I’m-Just-Here-For-A-Free-Vacation Flanagan

Kelley finally getting the screentime she deserved with her first one-on-one. I love Kelley. She’s my favorite and I may be biased because we share the same name and home state BUT she’s far too normal for this. The thing about Kelley is that she’s embracing the free vacation lifestyle and if she falls in love along the way, great. If not, she’s not going to force anything or take part in the antics.

For their date, Peter and Kelley have some sort of spiritual guide endeavor. The guides have two candles – one male and one female – and it’s supposed to read their energy. But there doesn’t need to be any candles to figure out that Kelley is absolutely unbothered by this date and could take or leave the day. It’s refreshing, to be honest. In an ITM, Peter feels that Kelley is holding back. Or maybe, she’s just not that into, pal.

During the evening portion of the date…

When they start talking at dinner, Peter tells her that they had a good connection in the beginning but it stalled. It almost feels like he’s saying it’s her fault that it stalled. Not the ten tons of drama that keep getting in the way and Peter’s infatuation with red flags. And Kelley tells him basically just that. She tells him that she doesn’t like that he keeps rewarding the drama in the house. Finally, someone who isn’t telling him that he’s their dream man and having an actual adult conversation about conflict. He tells her he will work on that.

Rose: Yes

Taking matters into her own champagne hands

Meanwhile back at the mansion, Kelsey takes it upon herself to go talk to Peter. She heads over to his hotel room to talk about the conflict with Tammy from the other night. Kelsey tells Peter that Tammy is still continuing to call her an alcoholic and now that she’s popping pills. In an attempt to comfort her, Peter tries telling her that maybe Tammy is just jealous of her. They end up cuddling on the couch and Peter actually gives her a rose right then and there. Isn’t this against the rules?

Rose: Yes

There’s no cocktail party, but sure go ahead and make your own

When Kelsey returns from Peter’s, Chris Harrison comes in to announce that the cocktail party is canceled. Everyone is mad since not many people had time with him. Some of the women start blaming Kelsey for this. But like is it actually her fault or was she defending herself against mean accusations on her mental health? Mykenna cries. And everyone is fearing Peter won’t know who they truly are. And they’re right. He probably won’t. That just means he ain’t it for them. Take your Instagram sponsorships and move along.

Apparently Tammy just continued the spread of rumors about Kelsey taking pills but she heard it from Victoria P…but no one questions that. So who knows. Everyone argues and becomes nasty. We just aren’t here for that.

Rose Ceremony

Peter is just about the give out the first rose of the ceremony before Tammy interrupts and asks to speak to him. Well, I guess it was taking too long for their talk to end so Mykenna interrupts to get time with him. The other women left standing there are clearly annoyed. And Madison sits down to wait and that’s relatable. Eventually, the mini cocktail party ends and we are back on track.

Who Left: Lexi and Shiann

The Bachelor Week 5 TBC…

On Wednesday, we get two more hours of this mess. It’s time to scrap this group of women and try again. Or literally just bring back Hannah Brown because it’s clear this man has already found love and they are forcing him to do this because of a contract. All I know is that Wednesday will probably be more nonsense and Bachelor in Paradise is going to be wild this summer. And there are rumors of a Bachelor Summer Games (*link may contain spoilers*) like the Bachelor Winter Games two years ago.

I would say see you in a day, but all you have to do is scroll down.

The Bachelor Week 5, Pt. 2

The Bachelor Week 5
ABC/Francisco Roman

And we’re back. Continuing to recap the Bachelor week 5, part two. The women and Pilot Pete have left Alayha and Costa Rica behind and are now in Chile. Will this episode be filled with pointless drama, crying, and no real connections forming? Oh, absolutely. So let’s get this over with now.

Tears or no rose

Hannah Ann is the first one-on-one of the night. I watched this yesterday and can’t remember for the life of me what they did on the date. But he did question if she was ready for marriage because of her age. She reveals that she has never been in love before. This causes concern for Peter. He walks away and it almost feels like he is going to send her home. But Hannah Ann comes to him crying. He loves it. She knew she was going home if she didn’t cry, so she cried because Peter cannot resist a weeping woman.

Rose: Yes

A Bachelor Telenovela

ABC/Francisco Roman

This date includes: Sydney, Natasha, Kelsey, Victoria P., Madison, Tammy, Kelley, and Mykenna.

Finally, FINALLY a fun and entertaining date to watch…well aside from Mykenna’s breakdown narration through it all. On this date, the women and Peter starred in their own telenovela. Kelley took it like a champ when she had to play Peter’s Abuela.  Mykenna played the maid who was in every scene but never noticed by Peter’s character which alludes to her time on the show. But by the end of their show, Peter’s character realizes it’s been Mykenna’s character all along.

During the evening portion of the date…

Out of thin air, Peter sends Victoria P. home. He tells her that he just doesn’t see her as his wife. Blunt and hurtful, honestly. Then the drama with Tammy and Mykenna continue. Tammy yells at Mykenna for being weepy over not getting a one-on-one but acting so happy now that Peter kissed her. Honestly, I don’t understand why Tammy is so bothered by this and I don’t blame Mykenna for being in a better mood after getting some reassurance from him. But the yelling continues and the bleeps are flying everywhere.

Group Date Rose: Madison

Victoria F. and Chase Ri – I mean Peter

We have to suffer through a Victoria F. one-on-one yet again. During their date, they ride some horses and talking. Unfortunately, Peter seems very into Victoria F., and she tells him that she is into him, too. But is she? She starts crying on their one-on-one again. It seems she can’t decide if she should stay and lead Peter on or leave and lose her Instagram sponsorships. Clearly, this decision wasn’t as easy as the one to model for White Lives Matter, huh? Peter just wants her to open up. But she is locked shut. However, that doesn’t matter to him.

Rose: Yes

Is it actually a two-on-one

The famous two-on-one date finally happens. But did it really? The two-on-one was with Tammy and Mykenna and the date card read “enough is enough”. The two women were to meet Peter to talk before the rose ceremony. Which means the other women weren’t able to have another cocktail party. I’m upset we didn’t have a traditional two-on-one date in the desert where they leave one deserted as the other two fly away. Truly tragic.

Peter talks to both women individually. He makes his decision telling Mykenna that he trusts her and sent Tammy home. Mykenna looks to be in the clear and confident going into the rose ceremony.

Rose Ceremony

Well, Peter sent Mykenna home. And I can’t believe he made her sit through that nonsense with Tammy just to send her home later that night. I don’t understand this season.

Who left: Mykenna, Sydney, Victoria P. (earlier), and Tammy (earlier)

The Bachelor Week 5 Conclusion

I’m glad we all collectively hate this season. It’s not good. Ole Pete is still in love with Hannah Brown and he’s trying to fight that and it’s just not working for him. The women are not there for each other and very quick to be nasty towards each other. Send these women home. Bring in Hannah. Tayshia for the Bachelorette. Bring Demi Burnett back to add comedy to the ITM narrations. DO SOMETHING TO SAVE THIS SEASON. And it’s week five and we are already down to six women. It seems rather speedy to me but whatever.

Were you team Mykenna or Tammy or neither?

Here’s a sneak peek into next week’s show.

Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter for live tweets of the show every Monday and I think I’m hilarious.

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