I feel like I owe somewhat of an explanation for sporadic, late, or not posting at all. I know it’s okay to take a break from even doing things that I love, and I don’t really owe anyone anything. However, I feel like I owe it to myself. The whole point of why I do what I do is to share my life and be open and vulnerable to help others. So, here’s a life update of what has been going on in my life the past month.
When I heard Kelsea Ballerini’s new song, homecoming queen?, a line really hit me, “What if I told you the world wouldn’t end / If you started showing what’s under your skin? / What if you let ’em all in on the lie / Even the homecoming queen cries / What if I told you the sky wouldn’t fall / If you lost your composure, said to hell with it all”. I went back and forth deciding if I wanted to post this. It’s hard to put out your struggles out to there to a world that really only shows their highlight reel.
Life has definitely knocked me down pretty hard in August. This year I said that my word(s) of the year is life changes. I anticipated a lot of change this year – some I knew about and some I wasn’t even close to prepared for. I’ve been taking this time to try and get my life back together but at the same time, I’m trying to be gentle on myself and give myself time. 2019 has really done a number on me, good and bad, and it’s not over with yet.
I’m moving and graduating college…in 4 months
I’m moving to Nashville, y’all!
Currently, I’m in my final semester of college and I’m graduating in less than 100 days. Which that’s insane in itself. However, put that together with the fact that I will be moving rather quickly right afterward. For those of you may not know, I live in Illinois. The current house is the only house I have ever known and it’s up for sale. That has been rather difficult for me to deal with because I hate change. I’m not good with it and never have been a fan of it. It’s probably a combination of my anxiety and just liking how my life has always been. This will be an entire post on its own in the coming months.
So, I’ll be graduating with my bachelor’s in communication and creative writing in less than 100 days and moving. I’m moving to around the Nashville area. My brother and his fiance have already moved down there back in January and that was one of the hard parts about this year so far. It’s scary and bittersweet and exciting.
‘Cause you weren’t the one babe, but you were the closest
This probably the hardest part of this life update. And it feels weird to be sharing something so personal, but I share a lot of my life, including my relationship, with the internet through the good, bad and ugly and this is no different.
Max and I broke up a few weeks ago and it’s been hard. This has probably been the hardest breakup that I have been through. I wish nothing but the best for him in his life in whatever path he decides to go down. Whatever path he decides to go down I know he will do great things and be successful because he is an intelligent and talented man. I have nothing but love for him going forward. He was one of the best things to happen to me and I am thankful for the year and a half we were able to spend together. I’ve learned a lot about myself and relationships within that time.
Out of respect for him and myself, I obviously won’t be sharing why things ended but just know nothing horrible happened between us. I have nothing but great things to say about him. Whoever ends up with him will be one incredibly lucky woman. And so, he wasn’t the one, but he was the closest thing to the one.
As for me, I’m doing alright. Breakups are hard and we all know that. I’ve been able to lean on some of the best people, like my blogging friend Coral who is just one of the sweetest souls. I’m learning to talk things out with friends rather than isolate myself even though there are days when I do just want to be left alone and that’s okay, too. And I’m learning that it’s okay that somedays I’m going to feel good and other days when I’m a mess and I can’t seem to do anything. It’s life and I need to be gentler with myself – we all do.
Backpacking it Back
So, if literally anyone remembers, I started a series at the start of August for back-to-school posts that would go out every Friday. Yeah, that only happened once. August was a lot and I just wasn’t feeling anything that I was writing, or I just simply didn’t want to write anything. I posted one post and that was that. I haven’t decided if I’m going to continue it into September for a while, but if not let’s just pretend that series never really existed, or it might come back in August next year. Who knows what will have happened by then.
2 Year Blogging Anniversary
I wanted to do something for my two-year blogging anniversary on August 20, but I couldn’t bring myself to create anything at that time. Something for it will be going up at some point because it really is something that I want to celebrate and I’m very proud of. Obviously, life happens, and plans get derailed and I’m learning to be okay with that.
Needless to say, life has become rather messy for me lately and it has taken turns that I expected and turns I never anticipated. But again, that’s life. Life is all about the unknowns. Sometimes you just have to dive into those unknowns and trust. Trust that everything will be okay and turn out the way you hope – or even better.
I still don’t think I’m going to be back on a regular schedule on here or social media that I was able to get down in the summer, but that’s okay. We all need to be more open and vulnerable about life because we can’t keep thinking everyone we see online is happy all the time. Because no one is. Everyone has bad days, weeks, and months. You can cultivate the best online presence but what does that do for anyone? It makes us feel like we need to have certain things or be a certain way all the time. And that’s simply not possible.
So, here’s to life. It’s messy sometimes and sometimes it’s the best thing in the world.
(And for those of you are only here for BIP recaps, this week’s recap will be up this weekend!)