Blog, Lifestyle

The Importance of the 5 Love Languages

I’m a very particular person. I like to have my space a certain way otherwise it affects my mood. When it comes to people I let into my life, I’m picky. I don’t like to have a lot of friends just for the sake of saying I have a lot of friends. After my first heartbreak, it made me reflect on that relationship and the little ones I had before that one. I realized I have been settling for good enough. I didn’t cut people off because the relationship felt good enough. They were nothing too terrible, but they also weren’t terribly exciting. It was kind of like, “you’re a cool person and you think I’m pretty okay so let’s hangout for months”. But looking back and even looking back at journal entries from those times in my life, I always wanted something more.

I became that weirdo girl who had my 5-year plan down to a T and even created a checklist (that I still have somewhere) about what I wanted from the ideal man I would one day meet and marry. I got that idea from Andi Dorfman’s It’s Not Okay book which is fantastic and you definitely worth the read if you’re going through heartbreak or just love The Bachelorette drama. There was no way I was going to make myself small anymore about what I wanted out of life and a partner. I’m always the type of person who accommodates myself for others. But no one seems to do that for me, so why am I living my life like that? It’s so crazy to think about and honestly, I’m still like that in other aspects of my life because it’s just who I am as a person.

How I discovered the magic of the importance 5 Love Languages

When I was in the healing part of my heartbreak, I started I kept seeing things about The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman on social media. I decided to Google it and found the test to take. What I love about this is that it’s not just for couples learning to communicate better. You learn how you receive love through the single’s quiz and they also have a child and teenager one. That makes me really excited and I can’t wait to utilize that as a parent one day to have a stronger and deeper connection with my children.

This topic seems to be so prominent now that I thought this was a relatively new idea, but when I searched to see when the book was published I was stunned to find out it came out in 1995. Although I haven’t gotten around to reading the actual book yet, I’ve taken the quiz a handful of times and done quite a bit of research on it because I think it’s incredible.

My Love Languages Ranked

Physical Touch 9

Quality Time 9

Words of Affirmation 9

Acts of Service 3

Receiving Gifts 0

I can be quite a needy person so it wasn’t really a surprise to me when three of the five love languages were tied.

So, why are these so important?

The 5 Love Languages are important because it opens the pathway to better communication. My first relationship utilizing this quiz was the healthiest one that I have ever been in and it’s due to the fact that we took the time to find out what our love languages are and implementing them. Now, that’s not to say we didn’t argue or get annoyed with each other because we definitely did- all couples do.

I know I can be dramatic, stubborn, and slightly insecure at times, but that’s human. What didn’t hinder our relationship is that we didn’t let those arguments or disagreements fester and turn into big blowout arguments. Sometimes we fixed the problem right then and there and other times we took a time-out to calm down before going back to talk about it. I’m not saying that I’m a relationship expert because I’m not, I’ve just learned what works for me and in turn, I hope to help someone else out with what I’ve learned.

It’s about making a conscious effort…

When you find out what your love languages are you know how to treat yourself and you know how you want others to treat you. So, when you know your love language in a relationship make sure you learn how your partner receives love. How you receive/show love may not be how your partner does. What tends to happen when partners have different dominant love languages, is that partner A will give love the way they receive love and vice versa.

For example, let’s say partner A’s dominant love language is words of affirmation and partner B’s dominant love language is quality time. Partner A might be affirming their partner all day and using positive talk, but partner B could be feeling upset because that’s not how they receive love. Therefore, partner A would have to spend more quality time with partner B and partner B would be using positive affirmations to partner A. So, it’s really about learning how your partner receives love and making the conscious effort to be implementing that each day.

When both partners in a relationship feel like their “love-meter” is full, both are happy which makes for a happy relationship.

Let’s break it down visually

This can be a lot to take in, and I get that! I was very overwhelmed by this whole idea a few years ago. And now, it’s something that I am passionate about and believe in so much. So, I broke down each love language with examples of how to put each language into practice:

The goal of this post was to share my passion about love and communication and explain how my boyfriend and I make our relationship work, what we do or don’t do probably won’t work for everyone – and that’s okay! I just hope this doesn’t come across as preachy because that was not the intention of this piece!

As well as even though I focused mainly on couples, the love languages make a world of difference in all other relationships in your life; including your family, your friendships, and yourself.

Another thing related to communication, but not quite the love languages, that I wanted to mention is that using “I” statements as opposed to “you” statements make a world of a difference in avoiding huge fights or accusations. For example, saying “I feel like you don’t appreciate me” as opposed to “you don’t appreciate me”. Do you see the difference? One opens up an avenue for discussion and one opens up defensiveness, deflection, and fighting. Plus, it just seems kinder. If you’re one to use “you” statements when trying to communicate, try replacing those with “I” statements instead and see what happens!

Do you know what your love language(s) is? How do you make it something you’re mindful about every day?

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  1. This is such an interesting post, it really piqued my interest and I had to take the test for myself! I was surprised by my result but, reading into it a bit more, it actually made a lot of sense. Thanks for sharing, and also sharing your own personal experience, it was great reading how it worked for you and your boyfriend. I think this is a great and helpful post, and it’s not preachy at all πŸ’•

    1. Kellie Marie says:

      Aw, thank you so much, Amanda! I really appreciate that and I’m happy it piqued your interest!πŸ€—πŸ’•

  2. I love reading and learning more about the Love Languages!!!! My two top ones are Quality Time and Words of Affirmation for sure (although I think i took the quiz a while back and don’t totally remember but I KNOW these are mine 1000%), which are your top ones too (are you even surprised LOOOOL). I think for me, physical touch is a bit lower (although I DO love hugs haha). I love that you talk about the difference between “I feel” and “this is a fact what happened”, because everything is about our perceptions!!! But also, If I say I feel this, you can’t tell me I don’t, like invalidate my feelings right? ‘Cause that’s how I feel, whether I’m hurt or annoyed, etc. I’m REALLY picky about the people I hang out with too, like I’d rather be alone than hang out with people who bring out the worst in me. Blog posts about communication and feelings are SOO important, lol I still don’t know how to communicate my feelings properly, I just keep everything in and wait until it bursts through displaced feelings or something (lol ikr sooo healthy). Love you!!! <3

    1. Kellie Marie says:

      Oh my goodness!! Thank you so much, girl!! Your comments always make me happy and put me in a better mood! That’s what I love about saying “I feel” because it feels less like I’m blaming the other person and then they can’t tell me that’s not how I feel haha I learned that tactic from one of my communication courses – so it looks like I am learning things and stuff, after all,🀣 Oh, I am not perfect and I still let things bubble up and burst sometimes and then I feel bad haha it’s a struggle to be open in communication and being vulnerable but baby steps! Thank you again, love you!!πŸ’•

  3. Denise H says:

    Taking the 5 Love Languages quiz to figure out what each person needs in a relationship is a great idea because you would obviously get a better understanding of the part you should play in order to make the other person comfortable!

    I’m currently single but I will definitely take the quiz for myself and will certainly make any future boyfriends take it with me too haha ❀️

    1. Kellie Marie says:

      Oh, girl take it single! That’s what I did. Plus, you learn what you need and it can be used for your own self-care and to strengthen other relationships in your life. I’m so obsessed with it🀣 Thank you for reading – I really appreciate it so muchπŸ’•

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