It’s week 5 of The Bachelor and Colton has yet to hop any fence to get away from his problems. But there was arguing, a lot of making out, bug eating, and someone had their first kiss…like ever.
Just a (First) Kiss
We left Singapore and headed on up to Thailand where Heather had her first one-on-one. And that wasn’t the only first she had that night. The date card read, “Let’s try something new” and that couldn’t make the date any more predictable than Heather getting a one-on-one.
They went riding on a boat together, ate some food, and walked around saying things like, “look at that rock”, “wow”, “I know”. So, it was basically another Arie and Lauren date except this one had uncomfortable close-ups on Colton’s mouth. There was also a lot of weird pressure on this date that even I felt through the tv. Heather is the professional “never been kissed” and with all the mouth focus and other “first” jokes, you know what was going to happen.
At dinner, they talked about how she has never kissed anyone and why. Heather kept saying she just hasn’t met anyone that she feels is worth kissing, which is fair I understand that. But then she says that she dated someone for 8 months. 8 months! And they never kissed?! I’m not saying that relationships are all kissing but like that’s a long time to invest in someone and not kiss them. I personally don’t get that but to each their own. However, she was very adamant about wanting to kiss Colton. How do you wait 23 years, date someone for 8 months, choose not to kiss these men because you aren’t sure about them, but want to kiss a man you met 4 weeks ago on national television? There’s room for a conspiracy theory here.
In the end, Heather got her first kiss ever. She had a movie-like kiss with fireworks and everything and she seemed to know what she was doing. The girl never got to experience how awkward kissing is for the first time. Instead, she hopped right over that and got an actual perfect first kiss that we all imagine it will be like.
The Fall of Elyse
A couple weeks ago, I was so sure that Elyse was going to at least be in the top 4 but not anymore. While Colton was on his date with has-been-kissed Heather, she started to spiral. I was rooting so hard for her because she was so sweet, and they had a really nice one-on-one. But she was having trouble with him being on dates with other girls and having to hear about it. Yes, I’m sure that’s tough to deal with but then again that’s exactly what she signed up for. Elyse signed up for The Bachelor. To compete with 30 other women for a chance at a proposal from one man.
Naturally, while all the other women were makeup-less and in sweats, she was getting ready. She even put on this dress that resembled a wedding dress. Once Heather returned, Elyse walked right out the door to go talk to Colton. I was super confused by their whole conversation, but she basically said choose me now or else she won’t say yes to a proposal after he dated all of these women. But she also wants him happy and he obviously can’t do what she’s asking of him even if he wanted to. So, Elyse decides to leave.
Everyone is Bugging Out
The only group date of the night was…buggy. Colton took the girls on a date into the jungle with spiders, snakes, eels, scorpions, and God knows what else. He said he wanted a wife that would on adventures with him. But if this is what the adventures include a hard pass. I’m not his gal. Hannah B. even ate something gross again this week to get his attention. As for Colton, he pretended to eat something but really he just threw it on the ground.
The women got split up into groups of three and one team included Colton which I personally found that to be unfair. But anyways, they had one hour to “survive” and bring back food and water. Each team did that, most teams had river or tree water and grubs and banana tree pieces except for one. That one team was Demi, Hannah B., and Hannah G., they took a golf cart of the jungle and rode somewhere for cocktails and burgers. I loved everything about that, and I would have done that, too. There’s no way I would eat or touch a bug or snake. Nope. Just not for me.
At the cocktail party, is when the drama started. Colton tells Taysha that the realization that hit him when Elyse left is that he can still leave heartbroken at the end of this. I thought that speech could have been more for Chris Harrison because why would you tell the other women that? They have more of a probability of going home heartbroken than he does. Later he tells Hannah B. that she could survive a zombie apocalypse. Hannah B. also tells him that she’s falling in love with him.
Cue the pot stirrers
Oneyka pulls Demi aside to tell her that Elyse spilled some tea to her about Nicole before she left. But Oneyka wasn’t sure if she should tell Colton about it. Have these women not learned anything from past seasons: don’t use your time with the lead to talk about another contestant, it never ends well. Of course, Demi tells her that it’s a good idea and she should definitely tell Colton.
So, Onekya goes to tell Colton the fresh tea about Nicole. She tells him that she isn’t here for the right reasons. Nicole only came on the show to leave Miami. I don’t believe this because why would you want to leave Florida? Also, is that not just the most boring drama? It made no sense to me. Colton then talks to Nicole and she’s like no what? Me. Nicole comes back to the group of women and asks Oneyka why she said that. There’s a lot of shouting until Taysha tells Oneyka that she was there for that conversation between Nicole and Elyse and that Nicole never said that. Oneyka gets defensive and upset because clearly, her pot stirring backfired on her.
Group Date Rose: Hannah B.
Let’s Go to an Island and Make Out
Cassie got a one-on-one date! I was so dang excited about this because she’s cute and probably one of my favorites. She finally got the date she deserved but we did not.
Colton took her on a boat ride where they cuddled and ended up at a private island. With nothing on it. It was literally just sand. What were they going to do? Make out standing up. Make out in the water. Oh, and probably make out laying down. There was a lot of making out and butt grabs. I was just sad that we didn’t really get to know Cassie because that’s all the producers decided to show us.
She did talk about how she’s afraid to admit that she isn’t a virgin because she feels like she will be shamed for it more – more so from her town or family when they watch the show. That’s a fair fear. They both tell each other that they’re special. He tells her that he’s crazy about her and that they feel like they’ve known each other forever. I’m calling it right now that Cassie will the “winner” at the end of this. How can she not if they both feel those things and he hasn’t said that about anyone else but always says it when he has a moment with her.
The party started really awkward and never got better. All the women were silent until Colton walked him. Taysha was the only bright spot of the whole part because she had these lanterns that they released into the sky and made a wish. Kirpa with her mysterious band-aid on her chin flossed Colton’s teeth. Demi gave him a “trust” ring for open communication and that she will always protect him. Isn’t that a promise ring? How is no one really talking about this?
Then it was time for Oneyka and Nicole’s drama to continue. Nicole told Colton that Oneyka is bullying her and calling her mentally unstable and unworthy of Colton’s love. So, Colton goes and talks to Oneyka. She denies it, of course, and says that she has never bullied anyone. Cut to her ITM two seconds later calling Nicole a pyscho. Oneyka also denies calling Nicole emotionally unstable but here’s the clip to prove her wrong.
Nicole and Onykea start arguing really loudly that the other women clear out. Colton was enjoying his peaceful time with Katie until he could literally hear the two arguing. I felt bad for Katie because it seemed like they were having a nice time until Colton had to go stop the fighting. He sits and listens to them for a while trying to help. But they keep arguing so he gets up and walks away (that’s a mood). They both try to stop him and talk to him but he said he needs time alone.
He’s upset. There’s an aggressive walk. Is that a wall in the far-off distance? Is he going to hop a fence? Nope.
There’s no rose ceremony this week either. It’s to be continued.
So maybe next week we won’t have Oneyka or Nicole going into week 6! One can only hope.
Are you team Oneyka, team Nicole, or team send-them-both-home?
Kirpa’s Chin Band-Aid Mystery Solved – she’s hilarious and I want to see more of her.
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