Week 2 of The Bachelor came pulling into the hot mess express depot last night. We had Demi aggressively kissing Colton in front of an audience of 200 people and the other women, a summer camp sleepover. And apparently, 30 is the new 80.
First Let’s Talk About Our First Times…
The first group date of the season began with half of the women heading into a theatre and being greeted by Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally. And of course, there were sexual undertones and innuendos throughout because the object of the date was to talk about a memorable first. So, they didn’t have to talk about their first time first time. Colton didn’t disappoint when he talked about the first time he was honest about being a virgin as an athlete. For someone that doesn’t want his virginity to define him, he sure is leaning into it.
Demi was adamant to make hers different than the other women’s because she’s ~ not like other girls ~ and she achieved her goal. When she was done telling her story she powered right off that stage and kissed Colton in front of all the other women. As you can expect, that didn’t go over too well with them.
My new favorite in this episode is Elyse. She’s my new favorite because of the way she presented herself to Colton and the women as someone who is mature for this whole thing, but obviously doesn’t take herself that serious and I admire that. Do you know who didn’t admire that? Demi. During Elyse’s story, she talked about she has always dated men her age or older than her, but this was her first time dating someone younger than herself, and saying that she’s 31 years old. Demi had a field day with that for the rest of the night by saying it was so brave of her to share that she’s old. Old…at 31 years old. I can’t. But Demi kept it up and basically referred to all the other women from 27 years old and up as cougars. Which is just yikes.
During the cocktail party…
Demi was the first to steal Colton again (insert another embezzlement joke here). I do have to say that Demi is playing the game right, but it’s a bit much. She’s trying to copy Corrine from Nick Viall’s season. But the thing with that is Corrine created drama but it was never at the expense of another woman – until Taylor started it – but she kept to herself and did what it took to get Nick’s attention.
And that’s what Demi is doing, but also creating drama at the expense of the other women which just isn’t okay with me. Like okay Demi, we get it, you’re the big bad gal from Texas whose mom is in jail
and the other women shouldn’t mess with you…ugh. After Demi finishes talking to Colton she strides right on over to the group date rose that’s sitting in front of the other women and she waves it around saying that it’s hers. I simultaneously cringed and rolled my eyes.
With that little stunt, the women were over it. Tracey, who is no better because ya know her discriminatory tweets, confronted Demi and basically was like don’t do that. To which Demi falls back on her age crutch and says it’s basically because she’s at the old age of 31 that Tracey feels threatened by her young self.
The drama aside, I did get the warm fuzzies when Colton told Hannah G. again that she felt like home. So, I’m sure we will be seeing Hannah G. (aka Barbie’s little sister Skipper) sticking around for the long haul.
Group Date Rose: Elyse
Um, Roll Tide…
The first one-on-one date card when to Hannah B. which is one of the pageant girls, she’s Miss. Alabama. Miss North Carolina (Caelynn) finally addressed in an ITM that they do know each other, they used to be friends and even roomed together for Miss USA or one of those pageant shows. But once Caelynn won that’s where things took a turn. Caelynn basically said that a switch flipped in Hannah B. and now there’s tension.
The date began with Colton picking her up and they drove into the desert. Hannah B. mentions that it’s her birthday and she mentions it a few more times. The day portion of the date was even worse than when Arie and Lauren went on a date and it was filled with nothing but silence. Except this date wasn’t silent and it was Hannah B. trying to have a conversation. I’m a horrible person to have small talk, so I get it but yikes. Aren’t pageant girls trained for answering questions?
When the sun goes down, so does Hannah B.’s confidence…
Right when we all thought she couldn’t possibly be making it through to next week, Colton got her to open up. Not in the best way because she hit him back with the question of why is he a virgin. To which Colton answered that his virginity was an accident. I’m still trying to wrap my head around that because I don’t get how you’re accidentally a virgin? But ya know, the devil works hard but the producers work harder.
As much as I laugh at this date and how it was really awkward, I do feel bad for Hannah B. It’s clear that she’s a little more on the insecure side because of growing up in the pageant world, but she also told Colton she feels the need to be perfect all the time. That’s a lot of years hyperfocused on looks which can mess with your head a lot and he comforted her. He made her feel safe and that’s important.
Also, did anyone notice for the dinner portion of the date they went to the Queen Mary? Isn’t that place really haunted??
Rose Accepted: Yes
For the second group date of the night, the women were divided into two teams to compete against each other in summer camp-type games. The winning team would get to have the date turned into a sleep-away camp and the losing team would have to head back to the mansion. Honestly, I would want to be on the losing team. Why would I want to sleep on a cot when I could sleep in a mansion? Just to have a few extra moments with Colton? Nope, count me out. But the women clearly did not have my perspective on this date because both teams gave it their all. But in the end, the red team won.
Pack your bags, [yellow team], you’re heading to the isolation [mansion]…
Once the yellow team had left, the women on the red team got their turns to have more one-on-one time with Colton. Heather was one of the conversations they showed and I hated it but also was living for it. Tonight was the night she finally told Colton that she’s not only a virgin, too, but she has also never kissed anyone. Now, I don’t care that she’s never kissed anyone because everyone goes at their own pace, but isn’t it a bit odd that she’s waited 22 years to kiss someone just to have her first kiss ever be on television? And on top of all that, she’s willing to be engaged in a few weeks? I’m just not feeling that, and apparently neither was Colton. It was really awkward but also kind of the best.
There was a sweet and emotional conversation of the night when Caelynn opens up to Colton. She started out talking about that she loves getting to go help children in hospitals. When she was two-years-old she had a very slim chance at living, and when she did the doctors said she had a very slim chance of ever being able to walk. Which she surpassed that, too. The two were able to bond through their work.
Group Date Rose: Heather
It was a battle of who can be more annoying during the cocktail party. Sydney was having a nice conversation with Colton when Onyeka came to interrupt them which would have been fine, except that she interrupted with an air horn. But in the perfect petty manner, Sydney came right back banging pots and pans at Onyeka. Onyeka wouldn’t let Sydney steal Colton. I honestly would have done the same thing as Sydney because that was really obnoxious of Onyeka.
Demi called more 27+ women old again. She also came down in a robe and took Colton upstairs. The women freaked out but I didn’t understand that either. I get that it’s annoying, but you also know he’s not going to do anything with her. Demi took him upstairs and gave him a clothed massage and that was that. And of course, the other women had to go tell Demi that wasn’t cool and that she upset racist Tracy. Demi went and talked to Tracy and what I got from that conversation is that Demi thinks Tracy is an amazing storyteller. I couldn’t tell if it was mean or not but that was then a wrap on the cocktail party.
Who left: Alex B., Angelique, Annie, and Erika
I’m sad that Annie was eliminated because I thought she was cute and they seemed to have a connection when he met her on the Ellen show. But I’m hoping we’ll see her in paradise.
All I wanted to do in this episode was talk about Kaitlyn Bristowe and Jason Tartick’s dates over the weekend. So, if you’re really excited about them together please come talk to me about it because I’m dying over them.
I’ll see you again next week for week three’s recap! Let me know your thoughts about this episode.
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