The sloth girl is an accurate depiction of how excruciatingly slow the premiere of The Bachelor was last night. It was three hours and probably an hour and a half, and that’s being generous, of the actual show. There were a bunch of viewing parties hosted by the hottest Bachelorettes, Kaitlyn and Jojo, another hosted by the men we wanted as the Bachelor, Jason and Blake, another one by Ashley I and Jared, and of course, Chris Harrison. There were a ton of other alumni there, but it was all too much. The viewing parties and extra bits took away from the show and made it that much more painful to sit through. But I did it. Barely. But still.
Not only was the show way too slow with too many distractions, but the virgin jokes were also too much. His virginity isn’t his identity, but the producers and women seemed to think so. Quite frankly a lot of them were rude about his personal choice. Saying things like he won’t make the first move to kiss the women because he likes to go slow – there is no correlation there and it’s rude. Another woman, Erika, was so bold enough to ask him why he was a virgin because she “didn’t get it” because he’s so hot. I could go on and on about the fact that it’s boring and none of any one’s business if someone decides to have sex or not. I was over it within the first 10 minutes.
Virginity jokes/mentions: About 14 times
Notable Stats of the Night
First Limo Exit: Demi
Best Arrivals: Alex D. (the sloth), Erin (Cinderella), Cassie (butterflies), and Bri (fake Australian accent)
Worst Arrivals: Caitlin (balloon popping) and Katie (V-card)
First Kisses: Caelynn, then Katie, then Hannah G.
First Impression Rose: Hannah G.
My First Impression Rose: Cassie
First Tears: Nicole
Who Left: Tahzjuan, Erin, Alex D. (sloth girl), Laura, Revian, Jane, and Devin.
I Would Keep: Erin and Devin
I Would Ditch: Catherine, Heather, and Erika
Number of Pageant Girls: 2
Number of Laurens: 0
My Top 5: Cassie, Alex D., Hannah G., Annie, and Bri
My Top 5 for Colton: Hannah G., Cassie, Caelynn, Bri, and Caitlin
Villain Predictions: Catherine and Demi
Drama Night One
Catherine is obviously the predicted villain of the season and it wasn’t a shocker that she made it past the first night because I mean come on, it’s the 23rd season we know how it goes. But this woman set the record number of times of stealing Colton on night one – 4 times! She stole that man four times on night one which is unprecedented even by fan-favorite villains from past seasons. I can tell right away that she won’t be a likable villain like Corrine (Nick Viall’s season) or Olivia (Ben Higgins’ season). She’s clearly not here to make friends and she made that crystal clear to the women last night.
But some of the women didn’t like that and even had one woman approach her to talk to Catherine about it. Onyeka was the brave soul to take Catherine aside – even asking her if she can steal her for a sec which was subtle but definitely sassy and we were here for it – to tell her basically that it’s night one and some women haven’t had even one chat with him yet and she’s had four. So, cool it. Catherine didn’t really like that but since it is night one that was as far as the drama went and Catherine said she didn’t want bad blood and neither did Onyeka and that was that.
It Got Weird…
The very first woman that we were introduced to through the introduction videos was Demi. One of the first things she said was that she’s, “hot dogging for Colton…” and I am at a loss for words. I didn’t get it and I still don’t. Was it a sexual innuendo? Another weird comment on his virginity? I don’t know, and I don’t think I’ll ever know. But it didn’t stop there with Demi. When she was talking to the camera at a different part of the video, her mom called her. Not weird at all right? Just a daughter calling her mother. Nope. Her mother called her from prison because she’s in jail for embezzlement. Which is hilarious later in the night when Demi is the first one to steal Colton from the group.
I’m here for some good drama and awkward moments, so I really hope Demi makes it to hometowns because she said her mother would be getting released from prison right around the time of hometowns. And I would just love to see the conversation of that and Colton’s reaction to it all. It would be hilarious and quality reality television.
I Do Believe We’ve Met Before…for 0.2 Seconds
Heather was another weird one for me. She has met Colton before but only for a few moments to get a picture with him that she kissed during her introduction video. Now, I’m sure that kiss was encouraged by the producers, but something about her meeting him before even for a few seconds doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t think they had any contact at all before or after the picture, but it almost seems off to me.
Another think about Heather is that she said she has never been kissed. I’m not buying what she’s selling. She’s a beautiful woman whose 22 years old and there was just something about the way she presented the topic that didn’t seem genuine to me. I think it’ll be interesting to see how that storyline plays off or if it goes anywhere at all.
And that’s a wrap on week 1 of this season of The Bachelor one and it took so long that the women that didn’t receive a rose and had to say their goodbyes left the mansion in broad daylight. It wasn’t super spectacular, and I wasn’t that blown away by anyone or anything. Hopefully it picks up in the next few episodes and it’s not as difficult to get through as tonight. The bright spot of the night was seeing the Bachelor babies, Kaitlyn Bristowe, the Chris Harrison appreciation montage and his mom, and Cassie. I’m a big Cassie guy so far.
Who are your top 3 so far and what did you think of the first night?
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