Bachelor in Paradise, Bachelor Nation, Blog, Entertainment, Season 5 - BIP

Will You Accept This Recap? | Bachelor in Paradise Week 1 & 2

Week 1

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I want to start this season’s of Bachelor in Paradise week 1 recap by saying that I am Team Tia AND Team Colton…controversial, I know. I’ll explain later.

So far, this season of Bachelor in Paradise seems like everyone who was the villain on their season is trying to redeem themselves. Will it work? No, they’re probably going to make it worse while thinking they’re doing better.

Redemption Road: Jordan, Chris, and Krystal

Can we talk about David the Chicken Suit’s intro for a second because YIKES? He basically said he lives at home with his mom and she does everything for him and that the only reason he’s on paradise is that he cannot marry his mother. Like that’s super gross, and I’m sure he was just trying to be funny, but it was just creepy to me. And then he posted this on Instagram:

David’s IG

I don’t know if it’s just me but if a guy I was interested in or dating was saying and posting these things, I would feel really creeped out about it…

Thoughts About the Episode That Don’t Fit into Their Own Category

The First Woman to Arrive: Tia

The First Man to Arrive: Eric

  • I’m so happy that they brought back Eric and Kenny from Rachel’s season because they bring such positive and loving energy and I just really hope they find love.
  • We are very blessed to have Wills back for his reactions and impeccable fashion sense.
  • Grocery store Joe and Venmo John better get more air time than they did on Becca’s season because they deserve it and so does America.
  • Joe is so awkward and cute and so normal – I love it.
  • Krystal came in and her voice is suddenly normal all of the sudden.
    • She also called Joe “watermelon Joe”…what? Later she asked him if he watched Arie’s season, he said no, and then she said excellent…which is kinda creepy just in the way she said it.
  • Nick is super gross to me. He was sitting with Chelsea going on and on about nothing while she was just laying there. He asked her a question and she just flat-out said she was going to bed which is hilarious. In his ITM, he said she was a snack (when she’s clearly the whole meal). He said he’d be a great role model for her child but also can’t recall her child’s name. I personally thought he was high the whole time during this episode, he was just too much for me.
  • David and Jordan’s weird feud or relationship continues by them shaking hands and Jordan saying, “Cheers to you being a bitch again” so it can only get more aggravating from here!
  • Tia and Joe talked which was kinda cute when they were trying to do each other’s accents, but I wasn’t feeling it between them.
  • Joe said to Kendall that he’s trying to make a move on here in all his adorable awkwardness.
    • She asks him what his favorite thing about being there so far is and he said she was his favorite thing (CUTE) and then they kissed.

Tia & Chris’ Date

Much to Tia’s dismay, Colton did not walk down the stairs and she was hit with the first date card. She didn’t really know what to do because she’s so set on Colton, but she ends up taking Chris after she thinks about it for a while.



The date wasn’t very memorable. Chris just kept trying to show that he is the good guy (just like he did at the start of Becca’s season). She’s clearly at least a little drunk and they kiss. In her ITM she says, “Colton who?” and this is when everyone kinda started to lose it. But honestly, if you’ve had strong feelings for someone and they kinda did you dirty and you have another guy that’s seemingly there for you, of course, that’s going to happen.

I’m almost 99% I’ve said, “blank who?” at some point in my life when I wasn’t even close to being over whoever it was. I’m not saying it’s the right thing to do, but we’ve all been Tia so cut the girl a break. Like she said at the beginning of the episode she said that love isn’t logical and the heart wants what it wants.

Also, can we stop with the virgin shaming? What’s up with all these guys thinking it’s the most defining character trait and is such a burden to carry. It’s literally the dumbest thing ever. Have sex. Don’t have sex. It’s really no one’s business and doing either doesn’t make you a better or worse person than anyone.

New Arrival: Colton

So, the next day Colton arrives, and everyone decides to make this the most dramatic thing to happen in paradise ever. Colton comes down the stairs with a date card and he talks to all the women…except Tia. I can see how that makes Colton look bad and would drive Tia crazy. He eventually talks to her when he asks her on the date.

Jordan says, “Colton showing up is Chris’ personal Vietnam” which is hilarious because you know Chris is going to lose it.

Tia & Colton’s Date

They spend their date on a boat and they’re talking about the weekend they spent together in LA before Colton went on Becca’s season. When they were talking about their past, I could just see something in their eyes and even though they aren’t being definitive, yet I think they’re meant to be.

Then they jet ski and kiss in the ocean which is all very fun and cute.

They come home from their date where it’s very clear on their faces that they had a good time, but not for long…


Here comes the Right Reasons Police Gang: Jordan, Nick, and their self-righteous leader Chris.

Before Colton and Tia came home the guys were talking about how they need to talk to Colton and tell him that he’s not there for the right reasons for Tia (does this ring a bell…Chris did the right reasons police act on the first night of Becca’s season).

So, they pull Colton aside and tell him that Tia doesn’t need to be played, used, or on the backburner…which is so true but also keep that in mind for future episodes because I’m not buying what Chris is selling. I think he has too many red flags that were shown in Becca’s season and he just gives me a gross vibe. This whole thing with Colton is probably why he was so feisty on The Men Tell All because I would have been so sick of these guys being jerks, too.

Jordan also says that Colton is only there to be on TV. Honestly, everyone is there to be on TV.

It was a way too dramatic episode for being the first and I’m not surprised that some of the men are already showing their toxic masculinity and trying to disguise it as caring for the women there.

Week 2, Part 1

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On this week’s episode of the Colton & Tia show, I mean Paradise…oops. As much as I’m rooting for Tia and Colton, I want to see more of the other couples and friendships forming like Joe and Kendall. And more of Wells’ commentary because that was gold last year.

I’m actually finding Paradise recaps so hard to write because there is just so many things going on and I can’t really categorize things like I could with The Bachelorette, so I feel like these are messy but it’s all I got to work with.

Thoughts About the Episode That Don’t Fit into Their Own Category

  • Kevin sounds like Napoleon Dynamite.
  • I’m not loving Astrid, Nick, Kevin, Chris, or Angela.
  • I like Jordan.
  • Why is Chris calling himself “The Goose” all the time?
  • Anything that comes out of David’s mouth is irritating.
    • He goes and talks to Annaliese and brings up the whole “settling” thing again.
  • Wells and Yuki are everything and need more air time.
  • Jordan & Annaliese
    • They are honestly giving me heart eyes and I think Jordan’s really redeeming himself.
    • He set up a little date for them near the ocean and says, “What’s the point of doing these things without someone who matters?” and I thought that was super cute and I honestly kinda agree with that.
  • Kevin is super in his head and then suddenly he is into Astrid the same day he “lost” Krystal.
  • Tia & Colton
    • They have an emotional talk where Tia is kinda putting her foot down about Colton being unsure.
    • Very confusing

Kenny & Krystal’s Date

Kenny and Krystal go on a date where they watch a wrestling match and then Kenny joins in. They both seem to be really enjoying the date and each other.

I think Krystal is redeeming herself by recognizing and admitting that she played a character on Arie’s season. They talk about how the environment is like a pressure cooker and, even though, I clearly haven’t been in this world I think that’s such an accurate description of how it is. They kiss and seem really happy once they return back home.

Cocktail Party & Rose Ceremony

The women have the power for the first rose ceremony which is way better than when the men have the power.

Joe says to Kendall that he’s never fallen in love and doesn’t know why and says that he doesn’t want anyone else’s rose but hers. I didn’t think Joe could get any more perfect, but he did.

Chris once again says that he’s a great guy and I’ll never stop saying that anyone who proclaims to be a good guy is, in fact, not a good guy.

Tia says that she’s not someone’s first choice she’s not going to be a second choice which is the best thing ever. Until she goes back to her second choice…(I still love her though). I also feel like Chris is trying to be Mr. Perfect towards Tia because he’s taking advantage of her being so vulnerable. He’s saying all these things like he’s 100% here for her and only her and so many more things like that and I’m just not buying it. He makes me feel gross just watching him on TV.

Who Gave Roses: Krystal & Kenny | Tia & Chris | Annaliese & Jordan | Astrid & Kevin | Kendall & Joe | Nysha & Eric | Chelsea & David | Angela & John | Bibiana & Colton

Who Left: Nick & Wills

The Return of Becca

At the end of Monday’s episode, Becca makes an appearance in Paradise to talk to the girls, but mainly Tia. Colton freaks out and walks away from the other guys because he’s losing it. Then David comes to comfort him which is the only sweet thing that man has done thus far.

Right before the episode ends, Becca goes to Colton asking to talk.

Week 2, Part 2


This line was actually driving me crazy every time I heard it, but she’s not wrong…

Remember everyone that was on redemption road? Yeah, well it only lasted two episodes and now everything is about to blow up.

Becca & Colton’s Talk

I saw a lot of people talking about how disrespectful it was for her to come and how she ambushed him, and some even went as far to say that she did what Arie did to her to Colton. And I disagree with that with my whole heart. She was super sweet to him and gave him the closure and the kick in the ass that he needed.

I personally see both Tia and Colton’s sides. I was Colton once in high school where I thought I liked someone, but I wasn’t sure, so I just kept them there just in case because I was confused if I wanted to be just friends or not. Which is terrible, and I don’t condone it, but it happens.

Then I know I’ve been Tia because I’ve related to her since she came on Arie’s season. You wait for this person that you have an instant connection with, but you also fight for them to see where it can lead, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. And I’m so over everyone being rude to both of them because they just don’t know their emotions and the connection that Tia and Colton feel towards each other. I just think everyone should mind their own business unless Tia or Colton ask for advice.

Thoughts About the Episode That Don’t Fit into Their Own Category

  • Annaliese’s monologue about how much she likes Jordan and that she thinks he’s the one and you just know this is where Jordan probably is about to screw up big time.
  • Chris says that being a virgin is an emotional thing in regard to Colton being upset. Chris keeps making me madder each time he opens his mouth. Being a virgin has nothing to do with his heartbreak over Becca. I am so over this virgin storyline and all the shame the producers and guys are putting around it.

New Arrival: Jenna the Alien

Jenna is apparently from Arie’s season, but I don’t remember her or how long she was on the season. But she comes in with a date card and calls herself an alien…it was all very odd.

This is when Jordan becomes a hypocrite and the true f**kboy that he is. He says that he wants to get to know Annaliese and Jenna…but wait…wasn’t that what he and his right reasons police squad attacked Colton for? And no one is making a big deal about this…of course.



The Golden Retriever & The Alien’s Date

They rode some horses and he tried to help her onto the horse by basically just pushing and holding her butt so was he actually helping? Probably not. Then they kissed on the beach.

As much as this whole thing made me feel so sad for Annaliese, it’s clear that Jordan and Jenna are made for each other. She kept saying that she doesn’t relax well but she’s feeling relaxed with him. He then says later that this was the best date that he’s been on.

They were just too much for me, but they seem made for each other. Actually Barbie and Ken from Toy Story 3.

So, then they come home, and Jordan talks to Annaliese where it was basically just him telling her how AMAZING, FANTASTIC, INSANE WOWing the date was. It was very cringy and I felt so bad for her because no one wants to hear that from someone they like. He also tells her that he is giving his rose to Jenna but if things don’t work out then she’s totally his choice. Once again, doesn’t this sound familiar? Yet no one is saying anything…

All is good, so David must destroy it

So Jenna and Jordan are in their little blissful bubble, absolutely nothing can ruin it right? Wrong because David’s main mission, aside from marrying his mom, is to ruin Jordan’s life.

David brings Jenna a cake and will not stop talking about the said cake. Jordan comes over and Jenna is sitting in the middle of the two. Once David leaves, Jordan throws the cake not once, but twice. Both are super annoying, and I would like them ejected from paradise.

The only thing that I actually enjoyed from Jordan in this episode was this line, “[David is] the opposite of Mr. Rogers. No, I don’t wanna be your neighbor. Mr. Rogers brought TV back to the kids. David’s done nothing. I’m Mr. Rogers”. Like what?

Hot Commodity: Venmo John

Caroline from Arie’s season and Jubilee from Ben’s season both arrive at the island and go on dates with John. Caroline came in super nervous. Jubilee came in with a little more confidence. But I totally felt like Caroline and John are better suited for each other.

Chris & Tia

I’ve been on dates with guys like Chris and I would like to punch him in the face because he’s gross, radiating toxic masculinity, and entitlement to women. It’s infuriating.

Chris ends up getting Krystal to kiss him after she told Kenny she doesn’t want him anymore with the line, “I’ve never kissed a blonde”. Which was disgusting. I had more faith in Krystal. Chris also tells her that he is not in a relationship at all EVEN THOUGH HE SAID HE’S ONLY THERE FOR TIA BUT GO OFF I GUESS.

So, then Colton ends up telling Tia what Chris did and the episode ends with Tia about to yell at Chris. Which I’m living for because he’s gross and I want Tia to end him. Also, Chris is gross…how is he getting all these girls to kiss him?! I don’t get it.

Not all my Paradise recaps will be this long, but I had two weeks to catch up on and it was a lot! Lots of drama and a lot of things that I just don’t get. I hope it gets better and I hope Chris leaves soon.

Where do you stand on the Tia and Colton situation? How do you feel about Chris and Jordan doing the same thing that they yelled at Colton for?

Make sure to follow me on Twitter because I live tweet on Monday and Tuesday!

Becca’s Season Recap

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