Exactly one year ago, I published my first post on this blog! My first post (read it here) was about how I struggled with self-love. I had been through my first heartbreak (read that here). I felt completely lost and I didn’t know what to do with myself or what I wanted out of life. So, I created this blog out of being depressed, lost, and lonely. And because of this blog, I have found myself and now I know what I want out of my life.
That year has come and gone and a lot of things have changed. My blog is just one example. I’ve completely redone it since starting it a year ago because I felt like I outgrew it. I’ve added topics that I write about, like my Bachelor recaps, but I’ve also slowed down on other topics, like beauty and fashion.
365 days later: I love who I’m becoming and I’m learning to forgive myself for who I was.
My self-love journey isn’t complete. I don’t think it’ll ever be finished because there is always room for improvement. But I have come a long way and it wasn’t easy. I felt like I had an epiphany a couple weeks ago because I was so concerned about making sure people like me and wondering what they thought of me. Then I really thought about why I wanted people to like me so much.
Sure, it would be nice if everyone liked me – it would make things a lot easier in life – but the truth is not everyone is going to like me. And I have to be okay with that. I like me and I think my intentions are pure and if everyone can’t see that then oh well I’m doing the best I can. There’s really nothing I can do about that so why do I need to worry myself sick wondering if people like me or why they don’t like me?
I am absolutely not saying that I feel 100% confident and happy every day of my life because that isn’t real either. I still have terrible days or weeks where I think the worst things about myself or my life. Partially due to anxiety or that I’m not taking the best care of myself that I could be or that I’m just being too hard on myself for being human.
Compared to a year ago…
I do feel more confident in who I am and I feel like I’ve made peace with myself. In high school, I was so mean to myself. I had friends that were mean to me and I thought, “oh well there has to be a reason they’re being mean to me. So it must be my fault”. Then for the next five or six years, it was a downward spiral of negative self-worth.
After I graduated, it did get a little better because I was no longer in that environment. But I still was so used to having a negative perspective about myself. I didn’t really notice this about me either because our generation is basically built on self-deprecating jokes and memes. It wasn’t until I said something mean about myself aloud to my current boyfriend and he said something like I shouldn’t say things like that about myself because they aren’t true. At the moment, I just thought oh he’s my boyfriend he has to say those nice things to me. But what he said also stayed with me and I think about it a lot and he probably doesn’t even remember saying it because it was such a small thing.
I’ve come far but I still have a way to go…
As I’m writing this, I feel emotional thinking about where I was a year ago to where I am now. It’s a lot to process. In terms of my blog, it’s nowhere even close to being on an Aspyn Ovard level, but I also recognize that it’s grown in a year which is something I should be proud of. I’ve made some of the most incredible, sweet, and supportive friends through blogging that I would never have met otherwise. I’m so thankful for them.
Blogging is easily the best decision that I have ever made in my life. It’s given me some great friends when I didn’t have any friends. This blog has given me a voice in the tiniest corner of the Internet. It’s given me the reassurance that I am not alone in my struggles with when I thought I was. Blogging can be something that stresses me out sometimes but it’s probably the best outlet for me when I do have those feelings – if that even makes sense.
Since it’s my blog’s first birthday which is super exciting to me I needed to take some time to be sappy and thank three of my favorite people that have been nothing but supportive of me with my blog:
Before I met Max, I didn’t really like to talk about my blog in “real” life. Even now, if it’s not with him I don’t like talking about it to people. I feel like most people in my life didn’t really understand how much work and love I put into this. But when I met Max I felt like I could tell him about it. He never thought it was stupid and he recognized the effort that I put into this. He helps me take 90% of my pictures which I always used to feel weird asking people to help me take pictures because I didn’t want people to think that I was self-absorbed.
So, babe if you read this, thank you for being so supportive and loving and patient with me – even when I’m having a breakdown that I don’t feel like I’m good enough or look like Instagram girls you bring me back to reality and that it’s not important and that I’m beautiful, too. You’re great and I love you.
Coral was my first genuine friend that I made when I started blogging and I am SO thankful that the universe brought her into my life. She’s dealt with a lot of panic-filled texts about blogging and real-life problems that I couldn’t be more grateful for. Her blog is also goals, it’s literally so pretty and her writing is absolutely fantastic.
She was the person that I learned about what an INFJ was and was so positive about being an introvert when I had grown up thinking that it was a weakness. So, in a way she helped me learn more about myself which just learning more about those two things have been life-changing for me. She’s just the sweetest person ever. Oh, and we can talk about The Bachelor together which is the best thing ever. I love and appreciate her a lot.
Carina is my favorite person to talk about our Taylor Swift obsession. She has a fun YouTube channel and her blog is filled with beautiful posts. I wish I could write something as amazing as she does. I just can never thank her enough for being so kind and sweet to me. I’m so thankful for and love you a lot, girl!
So, thank you again…
I’m really thankful for this blog and the blogging community. The amount of positive support and messages that I have received in the past year is the nicest thing. It’s something I never expected to happen.
In my first post, I wrote a line that is still my favorite thing that I have ever written and I still stand by it, “in a relationship or not: Invest in yourself, just like you invest in someone else in a relationship.”
You are just as important to take care of as you do for your significant other. You are just as important to take care of yourself when you’re not in a relationship. Learning to love and accept yourself is really hard, but when you get to a point where you have self-love it’s the most freeing feeling ever. And it’s something you do for you. I know my family and Max has helped me through some really hard times. But at the end of the day, I am the one who made the decision to keep going when I could have not. It’s great to have outside support, but you need to help you above all else.
I’m excited that I’ve reached the milestone of a year blogging. I’m even more excited to see what will happen with my blog a year from now!