As I’m writing this it’s July 18. It’s about a little bit over a month until I have to go back to college and complete one final semester – which that’s even a crazy concept to grasp. But it’s even a crazy concept to grasp that it’s the middle of summer. I’ve been off since the first week of May and I have to think about what I’ve done. I go to work, I blog, and I hang out with Max. There really hasn’t been anything substantial that has happened even though it’s summer.
When I think about summer I think about swimming, beach vacations, lake days, snow cones, and ice cream. I think about spending all day in the summer sun with friends and heading back home when the streetlights turn on or my mom calls us home for dinner. And I think about all the times my brother and I spent playing whiffle ball in our front yard. I wouldn’t always want to play but he would convince me that he would go easy on…until he slammed that whiffle ball so hard it hit the window of the house across the street. Leaving us with the embarrassment of having to run across the street and dig under their bushes and flowers only to find that he dented our last good ball.
There are three years between us, so it wasn’t always rainbows and sunshine with us…
Other times we wouldn’t get very far in the game before we started arguing and my mom would make us come inside. While other times it was so much fun playing whiffle ball with just the two of us and all our ghost players. But now summer isn’t like that. My brother moved out with his fiance in January, so it’s quiet. I don’t head over to our local pool with my best friend anymore and swim until I’m so tired that when I get home, I take a shower and pass out. And when I wake up, I still can smell the faint scent of sunscreen and chlorine. Honestly, those are some of my favorite scents.
Summer, when I was younger, was carefree. My boyfriend and I got a pool a few weeks ago and it was fun. But it wasn’t the same. My brother and I used to swim in the little blow-up pool and run in a Dora the Explorer, Crazy Daisy, or just a regular sprinkler. And when we got older and obviously wiser, we would put our little slide into the pool. It was like we had our very own waterpark in our backyard.
We used to come running into the house to use the bathroom or grab a snack and leave nothing but a little pool of water that was the size of our tiny feel and a trail of grass. Our mom would tell us to wipe our feet but secretly knowing she was loving it because soon she wouldn’t have to say that to us because we don’t stay little forever.
Summer wasn’t a bummer…
Then there are times that I simply miss movie nights when everyone was home. My mom would put me in the bath after running around getting sweaty all day – mind you that only my bangs were soaked and never really anything else, weird I know. After the bath, I would put on a fresh matching set of PJs. Then it was time for ice cream or popcorn and a movie with the lights off. Honestly, there still isn’t anything like taking a shower or a bath and putting on a fresh set of PJs – it’s just one of those indescribable, great feelings.
Summers when I was younger met going to my grandparents’ house to play with them and my other cousins. Although it was all fun and games until I was left out and I’d going crying to my mom – oh, the disadvantages of being the baby of the family. However, not everything about being the baby of the family was terrible. In fact, it was pretty great for most of the time. Being the baby meant I was, by default, given a little more attention and it meant that I got to be loved on longer (and in case you missed it, physical touch is tied with words of affirmation and quality time as my love languages). So, basically, my needy self got what she wanted and basked in it.
It’s still so weird to comprehend that all of that was in this lifetime. It all seemed so long ago but at the same time not really. My time with my older cousins definitely feels like it was in another lifetime – heck, it even feels like they were different people than to who they are now.
But now it’s all different…
My summers now basically look like me waking up, having coffee and reading a book, or watching YouTube. And then I start working on my blog and social media. And it’s not to say that I don’t love that because I do. But I can’t help but notice that something is missing. There is something part of me is yearning for. Perhaps it’s my inner child badgering me to come out to play. To get back to do something I once enjoyed doing.
Maybe she wants me to walk outside and feel the earth under my bare feet again. It could be that she’s telling me I’m worrying too much about things that don’t matter and it’s taking my attention away from her. Or maybe she just wants me to slow down. I mean I started off this post by saying how I feel everything just seems to be zooming by and I’m not really understanding where all that time is going.
And maybe that’s okay…
It may be that I’m in a transition period of my life because I think I am. There are a lot of changes headed my way in a short amount of time. And for those of you who may not know, I’m horrible with change. I try to resist change as much as I can. Which leads me to romanticize my past and thinking everything was better then than compared to now. Which isn’t all true.
I’m not saying I was happy every single day when I was little. For the most part, I was. Like any child, I still got in trouble, not often, but still. I’m determined to make the last half of my final summer as a student the best one. The last summer where I’m not working five days a week, full-time, with no summer off. And quite frankly, that scares me. I’ve had my summers free, for the most part, for about 21 years now.
It’s different but that doesn’t mean it has to be terrible
To squeeze out the last drops of summer fun, I’ve created a summer bucket list. I’ve been making Max choose a number and whatever number it lands on that’s what we’re going to do for the day. That’s probably going to be in a later post at the end of the summer, so I don’t want to give too much away by saying what’s on it just yet.
Basically, summer, when I was younger, was better than it has been in the past few years. But that’s not to say it won’t get better from here. I just don’t think anything will compare to running in a sprinkler, eating a popsicle, leaving grass all over the house, and falling asleep on the couch. It was too Hallmark to beat.
This feels like this post has no direction and just a journal ramble but I’m okay with that. It feels like going back to my OG blogging days when I started in high school. We are nearing the end of Summer Rewind, sadly, because I want to start a Back-to-School series in August. Basically, there’s a lot happening on my blog right now. I have a lot of ideas flowing out of me for the first time in a long time; it’s making me excited.
What was your summer like when you were younger and how does it compare to where you are now?