Blog, Personal Life

See You Later, Never Goodbye

I don’t really know how to start this, but I know I want to write this. Today my big brother left home and moved with his fiance…eight hours away. If there’s one thing that the people close to me know about me is that I don’t like change and I don’t handle it well at first either. Like at all. I get overwhelmed by it and I’m a big traditions girl. I like how my family has always done things so when it changes I don’t like it. And like everything else in my life that overwhelms me with a lot of thoughts and emotions – good or bad – I have to write about it. Because I have to remember that it’s just see you later, never goodbye.

My brother has been talking about this move for years now, but it never really hit me until I started seeing his room slowly being dismantled down into cardboard boxes and bins. His room was always the messiest in the house and now I can see his floor. It always bothered me that he was messy, but now I miss it. He hasn’t even been gone 24 hours and I miss it.

More than anything, my wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small, you never need to carry more than you can hold…

When his boxes were only half packed where we played Rescue Heroes, I sat with them. I don’t know if that’s weird or not, but I did. I sat there thinking about when he acquired some of the things that were in the boxes. Or when I went into our shared bathroom and looked at the hand towel hanging, and thought about when we didn’t like that we shared a towel so my brother came up with the idea that I get the front of the towel and he gets the back. He said it once and almost twenty years later we still followed that rule. But now, he’s gone and I have it all to myself. I dreamed about having the bathroom to myself for years because we all know boys and bathrooms are gross. But it just doesn’t feel right.

The point of this whole post is to not make my mom cry (but she probably already is) or make my brother feel bad. Because I don’t want him to feel that way. I’m excited for him because I know he’s capable of great things and has so much potential. He has a beautiful and successful life ahead of him. I mean he already has the best future wife holding his hand through it all. The point of this is to reminisce on his twenty-four years of life thus far and the twenty-one years that I have been able to spend with him so far.

Please Remember…

  • Call Mom
  • Call Dad, too
  • And call Grandma sometimes
  • And me too when you have the time
  • Come home when you can
  • If you can’t make it on a holiday, we can FaceTime you and make it feel like you’re here
  • Don’t make Kate do all the cooking and cleaning – share the load
  • Pictures make a house feel more like home
  • It’s okay if you’re overwhelmed and scared. It’s a scary thing
  • You’re allowed to cry. You don’t have to tough it out because you’re a man
  • Clean up the little hairs you leave on the bathroom sink
  • Trust in the process. It’s all going to be okay, you’re going to be okay, you’re going to make it
  • Illinois will always be home no matter how far you go
  • We love you so much
Up those stairs, in that little back bedroom, is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar…

My mom told me that when she was pregnant with me that my brother always said that he said he always wanted a sister. Well, his first dream came true and he was blessed with the best sister of them all. That was just his first dream coming true because now he’s off to fulfill the rest of them that he couldn’t do in Illinois. It’s going to be weird having a mostly empty bedroom next to mine and you not be here when I’ve mostly seen you every day for twenty-one years.

So, here are some pictures of us growing up! (Sorry if any of these embarrass you, Danny)

All the cousins were Winnie the Pooh as babies.
Up until doing this post, I don’t think I ever saw my brother as an actual baby before.

I’ve never seen this photo before, but all I can see when I look at my dad is my brother.

He was a big Toy Story guy.

Nashville curiosity in the 90s led to making a home in Nashville in 2019.

His baby sister dreams came true and I arrived to make your life even better💁🏻‍♀️

You’ve literally been by my side for all my twenty-one years.
I think this sums up my brother a lot. He’s not quite sure what to do when we cry so he’ll just try to make you laugh by being goofy.

But seriously, do you think anyone fed me the darn oatmeal after all these photos?

I’m always going to force hugs on you.

I may not have ever told you, but I have and always will look up to you.
There’s a lot happening here…

Papa’s looking down on you and proud of you and I hope you know that.
A rare blurry photo of my brother in Cubs gear.

You’re a full-blown adult adult now…

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow, and each road leads you where you wanna go. And if you’re faced with a choice, and you have to choose I hope you choose the one that means the most to you…

I’m bad with actual talking and you don’t do serious conversations without jokes which is why this post now exists. I wanted to make sure you knew how much we love you and are so dang proud of you in everything that you have done, will do, and the dreams you’re making big moves to achieve. That’s incredible and something you should be proud of. You have endless talents and Nashville is lucky to have you as a new resident. Don’t forget how much support you have from Kate and everyone back home. We’re rooting for you and will always be on your side. Just don’t forget where you belong.

I’m going to miss you, but I know you need to do this and live a life you created and are proud of. We’re going to cry and miss you, but it wouldn’t be fair of us to wish you to stay in a place that you’ve outgrown and done all that you can do here.

So, I’ll see you later, never goodbye. You better always walk through our front door and never knock. I hope when you come home it’s like you never left. Don’t make it weird. Thank you for being the best big brother this little sister could ask for. All the good – and even bad – memories with you (I’m still sorry I hit you in the head with the TV remote…) mean so much to me. And I think about a lot of things we’ve done like playing airplane on my bed or you building legos while I play with my Polly Pockets. I’m probably too emotional and sentimental for my own good but for memories like that I’m glad I’m like that. I can’t wait to make more memories with you in Nashville and when you come home. I’m so excited for you and I love and miss you already.

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  1. OH MY GOODNESS THIS WAS THE SWEETEST POST EVER!!!! Girl your brother is SOO lucky to have such a sentimental sister!! It reminds me of Taylor’s song “Never Grow Up”, I know you’re the younger one but still, I love the song and your emotions reminds me of it!!! I could relate hard, maybe not in the same way, but my bestest friend moved to Florida in September and I’ve been feeling so on my own ever since. Like you know (since we have so much alike) I struggle with change too, it will take me a good 2 years to get over something like that lol. I love the “See you later, never goodbye!” You have really creative and to-the-point little slogans and they’re just amazing!!! I’m sure that the time you spend when you visit your brother, or when he comes back to visit, will be truly precious!!! <3

    1. Kellie Marie says:

      I could never not listen to Never Grow Up without crying because it was just filled with so much of these emotions haha. Is that the same friend that you went down there for a wedding?! I can’t imagine having a best friend move that far away, I’m sorry 🙁 We are so similar, it’s insane and I wish you lived closer so we don’t have to feel so on our own. You’re the sweetest and I appreciate the heck out of you. Thank you so much, love you girl!!💕

  2. awww! I get you. My older brother lives in Singapore and I live in the US… and our parents live in India!! We are not just miles apart but also the time factor affects us so much that we hardly have a face to face talk! We get updates about each other through our parents. It’s been 3.5 years now that we haven’t seen each other in person.

    It is difficult being close during your growing up days and then suddenly one day you have to grow up. 🙂

    1. Kellie Marie says:

      Oh, wow! That is such a large distance – I can’t even imagine how hard that is for you and your family. And the time differences! That’s so much and I’m so sorry. I hope y’all get to see each other soon💕💕

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