Week 5, Part 1
This episode was three hours long and it was a lot. We see a beloved man of the show stay on long enough to become just like all the other lying men, Ashley I. and Jared get engaged in the same place they met three years ago, and Annaliese freaks out…again. Oh, and if you took a shot every time someone said ‘all in’ you would probably be dead.
Eric & Cassandra’s Date
So, last week was left on Eric about to go on a date with Cassandra. They go on their date, eat popsicles and ride horses, and Eric is going on and on about how he wants consistency, honesty, and reciprocation in a relationship…it’s not like he did the opposite of that to Angela…it’s fine. Then he told Cassandra that Angela was wanting to take it slow and she wasn’t reciprocating the feelings. Are you mad? Because I am.
Then they keep cutting to Angela crying to Kendall while he and Cassandra are having a great time. Then Angela says, “he’s the last person here that I thought would be like that” and girl, same.
When they came back from the date, he didn’t acknowledge Angela right away and it seemed like he was actively avoiding her.
The New Bachelor Exit…aka Colton Breaks Up with Tia
Meanwhile, amongst the Eric drama, there’s more trouble in paradise. Tia keeps telling people that she and Colton are on the same page and in reference to Eric going on a date with someone new, she said if she did that she would miss Colton too much. Then we cut to Colton who is talking to Kevin and telling him that he can’t get there with Tia even though he wants to.
So, he comes and pulls Tia aside to talk on the day-bed where other iconic breakups have taken place over the years. He spews the generic breakup lines to her about how he wants her to be happy and that she deserves better (which she does), tells her that he wanted this to work
with her, and how he came to paradise for her only. I mean they could have met outside of the show if that’s what they both wanted but okay.
Cut to his ITM for the making of his Bachelor campaign speech where he talks about all he has done his whole life is please people. Like he continued playing football because that’s what people knew him for. It was meant for us to feel bad for him, but I really only felt bad for Tia because I just sympathized with her more. She was absolutely blindsided and has been put through so much with this boy. She tells him that he needs to figure himself out because he can’t do this to another person again. 2 months is enough time to do that before the Bachelor starts filming, right?
But in all seriousness, I was quite upset about this breakup because I thought they were good together and I wanted them to work out. They both decide to go home because they don’t see the point in filming and Colton has to go pack again.
Miracle Season Has Ended
After Eric finally decides not to ignore Angela any longer, they talk. During the talk, nothing that came out of his mouth made any sense. It seemed like any concerns she would try to talk about or her feelings, he would turn it back around on her somehow. The night before, Angela said that Eric said that they were “all in” together and they weren’t going to go on dates with anyone else. Come that next day when Cassandra walks down the stairs and Eric jumps at the chance to go. He then tells Angela that that morning he woke up feeling different and
a bunch of questions all of the sudden. Which is fair, okay fine I understand that. But he didn’t even go to Angela to talk about those questions he suddenly had. He just took the date with Cassandra and told Angela bye.
The confusing and frustrating conversation end, but Angela isn’t done yet. She goes to talk to Cassandra about everything Eric has said and gone back on. We are all for women supporting women this season. So, then Cassandra goes to Eric to talk about what Angela just told her. He tries to defend himself and spin it back on Angela, Cassandra isn’t having it and calls him out on it. Eric is s h o o k that when someone finally blames him for his actions. It was a lot.
I personally believe that if you are in a relationship and you feel the need to ‘test the waters’ and go out of other dates that it won’t make your current relationship stronger and that you clearly don’t like the person you’re with enough. I think that’s dumb, but that’s just me.
New Arrival: Shushanna & Christen
Shushanna from Ben’s season and Christen from Nick’s season, or as commonly referred to as Scallop Fingers, arrive at the beach with two date cards which means a double date.
Wells tries to explain to Yuki about last season of BIP when Christen became known as Scallop Fingers. We didn’t get enough Wells and Yuki airtime this season and I’m very upset about it.
Double Date & Double Trouble
Shushanna takes Kamil on the date and Christen takes John. Annaliese spirals again saying he’s the one when he’s actually the fourth “the one” this season for her and the fourth guy that she came to paradise for.
The four of them go on a boating date with Jorge and it seems like a good time. Later, the couples go off on their own for alone time to talk, but nothing really interesting happens.
They come back home and Kamil tells Annaliese that he didn’t have a connection with Shushanna and this thrills Annaliese.
When John comes back to Olivia, he tells her that he wants to move forward with her and they kiss. And about three minutes later, he’s kissing Christen again. I’m personally over John.
Thoughts About the Episode That Don’t Fit into Their Own Category
- Ashley I. and Jared
- They come back to paradise for what seems to be giving out a date card, but nope. Ashley I. finally gets the fairytale ending to her love story that she deserves. It was the cutest thing, they had a montage and everything. It was beautiful and sweet, and I did cry.
- There was very little Chris on my tv screen this episode and I was very happy about it.
- Everyone is stressed out.
- Jenna started to panic after Tia and Colton left because she had the realization and fear that Jordan could pull the rug out from underneath her just like Colton did.
- Jordan comes to comfort her, and it was literally the sweetest interaction. He was so patient with her and telling her things like, “I’m not minimizing [her sadness]”. And that was the best thing he ever said because so many men do minimize how women are feeling and don’t even realize it and it’s the worst. He also tells her that he’s not Colton and she’s not Tia, and Colton never looked at Tia the way he looks at Jenna. It was one of my favorite things on Monday besides the proposal.
- Chelsea says ‘shookth’ unironically.
- During Jordan’s ITM on the beach, John comes out from a nap and interrupts Jordan asking where Tia and Colton are. Jordan is so impatient with him and it’s hilarious. He tells John that they left and John acts all shocked that they can just leave paradise whenever they want. But like that’s what Jubilee did when John broke up with her…does he think she just disappeared? Does he think he’s trapped there until he doesn’t get a rose? Is John okay?
- Jordan cuts Chris’ baby hairs and I was hoping he would shave all his hair off.
Kevin & Astrid’s Date
After Kevin had to suffer through watching his ex-girlfriend getting proposed to, he and Astrid got to go on date. A date that they should have sent them on while the proposal was happening, but you know the devil works hard but Bachelor producers work harder.
Kevin talks about that was difficult for him to watch because of the whole breakup situation. He also said he never feels good enough and she tells him that she loves her. What I love about them as a couple is that they’re one of the couples that have the most real conversations on the show and it’s great. I love them.
After they’re dinner, they swam and were surrounded by a Mariachi band.
Rose Ceremony & New Arrival: Jordan M.
Jordan M. from Bachelor Winter Games shows up with a rose to give out right before the rose ceremony takes place. Chelsea seems smitten with Jordan M., but he doesn’t seem that into it. Then she tries to talk to Kamil which was weird but then Annaliese freaks out, of course.
Because the men had the power with the roses this week, Cassandra went back with Eric and sucked up to him which I was disappointed with because then that basically made it seem okay with what he did and said regarding Angela. But a girl has to get a rose, I guess.
Who Gave Roses: Kevin & Astrid | Jordan & Jenna | Chris & Krystal | Joe & Kendall | Eric & Cassandra | Jordan M. & Shushanna | John & Olivia | Kamil & Annaliese
Who Left: Chelsea, Christen, and Angela
Angela leaves in tears and I don’t blame her because Eric made no sense to her but she’s dating Clay from Becca’s season now so it’s all okay. Christen has to have medical attention. Chelsea has a panic attack in her ITM and that was so hard to watch because it’s scary to watch just like it’s scary to experience it. I also saw a lot of people saying how she was faking it and that made me literally so mad because, with all the talk about how we need to be more open about mental health, people turn around and say what Chelsea was going through wasn’t real. I feel for her and I honestly would love to see her as the Bachelorette. The producers should have also respected Chelsea enough to not air her panic attack.
Week 5, Part 2
After Monday’s episode, the only things that I was looking forward to in this episode were Jade & Tanner and Carly & Evan and their babies and Joe try to calm a screaming Emmy Tolbert.
The Interview with BIP Royalty
The BIP success stories come back to interview all the couples in paradise to see who gets to go on a date and here’s what happened:
- Jade & Tanner Interviews:
- Kevin and Astrid talk about how they have a 12-month plan together.
- John admits kissing 7 girls in paradise while Olivia sits there – yikes.
- Eric and Cassandra don’t have much to offer together and Eric talks more about moving with the cheese.
- Krystal and Chris tell Jade and Tanner that they love each other.
- Carly & Evan Interviews:
- Jordan and Jenna say they can see a proposal at the end of this.
- Kamil says he wants to slow down with Annaliese…but he says it towards Evan rather than Annaliese… I don’t know, they’re a weird couple.
- Carly and Evan ask Shushanna and Jordan M. if they can see getting engaged soon. To which Jordan replies with that he just got their last night. It was awkward.
- Joe and Kendall have the best conversation with the couple because they talk about each other. We learn that Joe bruises easily, is a hypochondriac, and they want kids. Their awkwardness is cute and endearing and I would actually die for them.
A Grocer and a Taxidermist Babysit
The highlight of this episode? This date. The highlight of anything in Bachelor Nation? This date. The highlight of my life? This date.
It was determined that Joe and Kendall earned the special date of taking care of Emmy Tolbert and Bella Bass – the babies of paradise. Joe said that if a baby cries he tries to make them laugh which I found so endearing because I was expecting to say that he just hands the baby back to their parents.
To get ready for their date, Joe and Kendall started the date by putting together a crib. And I think that was really fun to watch and what I find the dates are lacking lately in all the shows. I like being able to watch the couples trying to accomplish something together rather than doing a whole lot of nothing. But anyway, the babies are brought to them and the overload of cuteness and crying ensues.
Emmy wouldn’t stop screaming the whole time and Joe was trying his hardest to calm her down and it showed that he really did care about Emmy. Then you cut to Kendall with Bella and she’s just relaxing while Emmy has a meltdown. Joe called himself “Uncle Joey” and it was the most precious thing ever. If this date didn’t end with you having some baby fever, then I don’t know how it didn’t. Kendall then tries singing and playing ukulele for Emmy to calm her down and nothing really works until Kendall holds her and then the way Joe looks at her while she’s holding her is literally the cutest thing and it melted my heart even more than it already was.
There was also a fun montage of Jade, Tanner, Carly, and Evan out on their parents’ date which was hilarious. But wasn’t hilarious was people DM’ing Jade on saying she was a bad mom for just leaving her screaming child with a stranger. First, let’s not offer unsolicited parenting advice/options ever. Second, she said they never left the filming area. Their date was just filmed at a different part of paradise.
Bringing it back to Joe and Kendall, after the babies left they talked about having kids of their own one day. And Joe once again confirms that he doesn’t want to date anyone besides her. As much as I would enjoy a Bachelor season with Joe, if we can’t have him, I want this relationship to work out for them so badly.
Eric made me mad last week and in Monday’s episode with what he did to Angela. So, all of the sudden Eric is talking to Cassandra saying he wants to take it slower with her after he just let Angela go because he felt they were moving too slow and I’m once again confused about the things that are coming out of his mouth. He needs to stop moving with the cheese because it’s leading him astray.
He tells Kevin that he wanted it to work so bad in this environment, but it just didn’t work. He also says that Angela got away and that she’s his girl…does he know he could have given her his rose instead of Cassandra?? Then he has the audacity to wake Cassandra up from her nap just to break up with her. He should have left his good impression on us that was established in Rachel’s season rather than going on another show to be confusing.
Chris & Krystal’s Date
The most that I wrote down about this episode is when the raccoon made an appearance. That was the highlight of the date for me because
I cannot stand Chris, so I wasn’t really paying attention to this date…oops. But he did say he feels like he won the lottery with Krystal and then he tells her that he loves her. Then some random singer sings for them.
Thoughts About the Episode That Don’t Fit into Their Own Category
- Jordan M. talks to Shushanna but she turns him down and he ends up taking Cassandra. The problem I had with people telling Shushanna that she shouldn’t have said no to Jordan M. because Kamil isn’t interested in her. Yeah, Kamil isn’t into her but maybe Shushanna just didn’t like Jordan M. and didn’t want to go on the date for the sake of going on a date.
- They played truth or dare, and it wasn’t even funny to watch. It was Annaliese and Shushanna trying to stir the pot with each other by asking petty questions. I don’t want to watch adults play truth or dare by a fire in Mexico. It’s dumb.
- Annaliese can just leave at this point.
Jordan M. and Cassandra’s Date
We saw literally two seconds of their date. One second they were drinking and the other second, they were about to go swimming. That was all we were shown. That’s it. Great content.
New Arrival: Diggy
Diggy from Rachel’s season comes back and this is the most excited I’ve been about someone arriving on the beach than I have been. I love Diggy and his reactions. If Wills couldn’t stay for the time he deserves, I’m glad that we were given Diggy. He ends up taking Olivia on the date.
Diggy & Olivia’s Date
Just like Jordan M. and Cassandra’s date, we didn’t see much on this one either. It was longer than two seconds though. We saw Cassandra try on Diggy’s glasses and he tells her that his real name is Kenneth.
A Russian Witch Hunt…I Guess
I have a lot of feelings about Shushanna…I actually like her. The whole internet is calling her crazy and yet I like her. I think Annaliese is being
too much for a relationship that probably won’t last past this show. This whole season the women seem to be lifting each other up and being super respectful towards each other until it comes to these two. Annaliese starts making fun of her and that got under my skin because Shushanna spiraling about a guy not liking her is the same thing Annaliese has done at least three times in five weeks.
Joking around Kamil says to Annaliese, in private, that he thinks Shushanna is a witch trying to put a spell on them to break him and Annaliese up. THEN, Annaliese goes to Shushanna and says that she’s a witch. She actually tells another person that she thinks they are a witch. A grown woman tells another grown woman that she thinks she’s putting a spell on her relationship.
At some point, Shushanna throws a framed picture of Kamil into the fire and I just want to know what producer encouraged that idea and gave her a framed picture of him. I’m over the whole witch thing and I think it’s bullying and I want Annaliese gone because of tonight’s episode. It was too much. But it was iconic when Shushanna said, “call me a bitch, not a witch”.
Colton as The New Bachelor
I just wanted to talk about my thoughts about Colton being the new Bachelor because I have a lot. First of all, I like Colton and I think he’s a good guy and does a lot of amazing things with his life that helps benefit other people. That being said, I don’t think he will make a great bachelor. We have had him back-to-back-to-back. He wasn’t ready to go on paradise because he wasn’t over Becca and now with the timeline of him on paradise and when filming starts for the bachelor, he still won’t be ready. If he was in love with Becca and maybe Tia, there is no way he is emotionally ready to take on dating 25+ women.
I personally haven’t liked a bachelor right away since Ben Higgins, so I just really don’t want a repeat of Arie’s season because that was ROUGH to get through. What I also don’t want in this season is the constant conversation and jokes about his virginity or the constant talk about Becca/Tia. It seems like they’re trying to make Colton the new Sean Lowe and it’s just not going to happen. I honestly would like to have seen Jason or Blake as the bachelor because I just feel like they had the most heart-wrenching breakups between Becca’s season and paradise. But either way, we have Colton and I may not be thrilled about it, but it is what it is. I really do hope that he is ready for this and that he finds his person on the show.
The final episodes are next week, Kendall cries, Kevin cries, and actual trashcan Robby Hayes shows up to try and scorn another woman just like he did to Amanda Stanton last season. And I am not happy about it.
How do you feel about Colton as the new Bachelor? Who do you think is getting down on one knee next week?
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