Leading up to the new year, I saw that people were choosing a word to describe 2018. I wanted to do that but I couldn’t find a word that really meant something to describe how I wanted the new year to go. Until, last week. As I was coming up with ideas for writing and blog posts, a word I noticed that has been popping up a lot when I write and even just reading is “unapologetically”. And that’s when it hit me that “unapologetically” is my word for 2018. It’s how I’ve been trying to do things in my life and I didn’t even notice until I took a step back to reflect on life a few weeks back.
“I’m unapologetically all in…”
It’s no secret that I really love country music. A particular artist that I’m obsessed with is Kelsea Ballerini. I’ve been lucky enough to see her perform live twice. Just this past February, I was in the pit at one of her shows and I’m convinced I made eye contact with her. But aside from that, she is one of my favorite people that I’ve seen live. Just like her songs, she’s confident, sassy, sweet, funny, and unapologetic of who she is. Her sophomore album, that she released in November, is one of my top favorites. It was something that spoke to me and I related to so much with. She was very intentional about the way her album was ordered and that it told a story; the story of loss, life, and love.
Where I was in my life then and now is pretty similar to her album. Just the way she writes and is able to tell a story is absolutely incredible. Music has always been something that I loved and felt deeply about because sometimes songs get your feelings across better than you ever could. When the album first came out I related most to “Miss Me More” when I saw her in February it was “End of the World” and now it’s “Unapologetically” and “In Between”.
So, bringing it back to the point of all of this, if you’re wanting to try and live more for yourself, here are 4 ways to live unapologetically:
If you start accepting the smallest parts about yourself, it’ll all start to add up over time and make a huge difference. Once you accept something about yourself the more it won’t phase you when someone tries to you it against you.
I have experienced my whole life with people telling me I’m stuck up because I don’t talk a lot or this or that. Eventually, it made me think being quiet was a bad thing. I accepted that I’m quiet, always have been and probably always will be. My dad is quiet and he got that from my grandpa so it’s not really surprising that I acquired that trait. But because I accepted that this is part of who I am I started to see all the good things that come from it. If someone doesn’t like me for that well that’s just their problem, I guess. It no longer makes me feel insecure that people don’t like me just because of that. Is it frustrating? Absolutely. But it’s who I am.
Not Everyone is Going To Agree With You And That’s Okay
Not every single person on this planet is going to like and agree with every single thing about you. And that’s okay! Yeah, I mean if you want certain people to like you and they don’t that isn’t a fun thing. But if they don’t like you….do you really want them in your life? I know I’ve had friends that would say they like me and then talk about me behind my back or kick me out of friend groups. I remember sitting at home crying because I wanted these people to like me so badly but if this is how they treated me, why’d I want them to begin with?
The people that are meant for you aren’t going to agree with every single thing you do because that’s not realistic. But they will love you for you and not talk about you behind your back. And those are the people you want in your life.
The best thing that I ever did was to start trusting myself. I am confident in my decisions this year even if they don’t turn out how I wanted them to.
I took this summer off from having a “real” job because I wanted to invest in myself with my blog. It went nowhere how I thought it would. Like at all. I had many anxieties and panic attacks about how I was going to afford to pay for school and books in a few short months. But you know what? Everything worked out, not how I wanted it to, but it did and that’s all that matters. I’m proud of myself for taking the leap of faith in myself. Even if no one believes in me or what I’m doing that’s okay. Because I believe in me. I trust that the universe and I are going to get me to where I’m wanting to be.
If You Aren’t Hurting Anyone, Don’t Apologize
I am a people pleaser. I like when everyone is happy and that I’m not disappointing anyone. If I please others, yeah I’ll be happy for a while but it’ll fade and I’ll be unhappy. But if I trust myself, even with all odds against me and no one really agreeing with me, and I do what I feel is right in my heart, then that happiness will last a lot longer than if I went with the choice others wanted me to make. Even if it makes things a lot harder, I know it’ll be worth it.
When I talk about things that bother me and I end up making others upset, I apologize. I could be crying about something for days until I work up the courage to talk about it with the person. And if they end up getting upset by what I feel/say then I end up apologizing and then I feel even worse than I did before. What I’m trying to start doing is not apologizing if what I’m doing isn’t hurting anyone. If I’m not putting anyone in danger, or manipulating them, or harming them then why am I apologizing for sharing how I’m feeling or the choices I feel are best for me? This is going to be a constant battle for me. I don’t like making people upset or feeling sad, but I don’t like feeling those things either.
“They’re gonna say it’s never gonna last…”
I’m not saying this is how I live 24/7/365 days a year because I don’t. We’re all human and we all have bad days/weeks/months but all that matters is how you come back from those bad times. It’s how you try to live your life. We aren’t perfect. Life isn’t perfect. And while that can really feel like the downfall of life, it’s also what makes it a fun adventure. Because in the words of Kelsea Ballerini, “What if we were all the same? Same rules, same game and we weren’t allowed to change anything about anything that anybody’s ever done before? Wouldn’t that be boring?”
Did you have a word that you went into 2018 with?