Ever walked into a room for a date with your bros who are also dating the same girl and then you find out that the girl you’re currently seeing is besties with a girl you hooked up with recently and she’s there too? No? Just Colton? Yikes.
This episode was…interesting. Between Tia and Colton, the chicken vs. the pensive gentleman, two ambulances, and the worst one-on-one date between Trump and Kim I didn’t even know where to begin with writing this recap.
The Spa Date
To start off the first group date of the night, Becca had some of her girls from Arie’s season join her which means we were blessed to have Caroline, Bekah M., Tia, Sienne, and Kendall on our tv screens one more time before Paradise. It also just so happens that Colton had a weekend with Tia and Colton was on this date. Just kidding, we all know this wasn’t a coincidence for the producers, but it makes good tv.
The premise of the date was that the men were going to pamper Becca and the girls instead of the men getting pampered. The men also let the women paint their nails and most of them kept it on through the rest of the night. She also forgot Jason’s name which was kinda funny, but I also felt a little bad for him. This was basically Jordan when Becca said he wasn’t going to be the one getting pampered:
So, after everyone pretends to be shocked about Colton and Tia we don’t really get the nitty-gritty of what actually happened between the two. Tia says they only kissed and realized that it wouldn’t really work out because she’s in Arkansas and he’s in Colorado. But then why he’s here comes into question. Is he really here for Becca? Did he think Tia was going to be the Bachelorette? Becca talks to Colton and he says he’s there for Becca. All is forgiven quite quickly. But, like, can you blame her? He’s hot. So, she gives him the group date rose and he gives her a pretty spicy kiss.
David vs. Jordan
David, David, David don’t give into Jordan’s stupidity it’s gonna get you sent home before him. Every season without fail there is someone who, in good nature, tries to take down the villain but it never works out for them because they spend their time with the lead talking about another contestant. Not the best move.
But basically, the update on their feud is that Jordan was bragging at the cocktail party that he has 4,000 matches on Tinder and has a 100% success rate each time he swipes right. David then tells Becca because honestly, that is a douche move for Jordan to be saying that to everyone because if he’s still trying to go for that pensive gentleman brand then technically shouldn’t Becca be the only one that matters to him right now? Becca then comes in, kinda annoyed with Jordan, and gives him a high-five about it. Which he goes for and I couldn’t help but put my hands on my face. DON’T HIGH FIVE A GIRL ABOUT THAT. BAD MOVE. VERY BAD.
Then Jordan gives Becca a weird hug that it was clear she didn’t want. I mean, come on, the girl looked directly into the camera for a second like she was on The Office. Poor thing. Jordan comes back and calls David a bitch. Just dudes being dudes.
Group Date Rose: Colton
Who I Would Have Given The Group Date Rose: Jason
Capitol Studios Date
Chris, the guy who looks like Eddie from Friends, was the lucky guy to go on the one-on-one with Becca. They went to Capitol Studios which started out super cool, but that’s about as interesting as it got. Richard Marx (I’m going to pretend like I know who this guy is) had them write a love song about how they feel about each other so far – it’s week 3 and from what we’ve seen she hasn’t spent much time with him – and then he’d put music to it.
So, off they go to write. They show Becca getting down to business writing and then they cut to Chris who looks stumped. He wanders into a hallway and Becca comes to him and they talk about how it’s hard for Chris to be vulnerable. Classic.
That’s about all I got out of this date. Oh, and Becca can’t sing, unfortunately.
Rose Received: Yes
David’s Rushed to the ER
There are many hooks that the producers use to get viewers hooked, like casting people like Jordan, Krystal, or Corrine, they’re in every season without fail. Another ploy they use is an ambulance. Most seasons there is a dramatic clip of someone in the mansion being rushed to the hospital…and I fall for it every time.
It’s never really as dramatic as it seems, and last night David was a part of this. He was shown being rushed out on a gurney covered in his blood. The guys were all saying thing like they hope he makes it, and the camera cut to blood on the floor. Colton’s soundbite was that it looked like he got mulled by a bear.
Chris Harrison then goes to where Becca is and has a very dramatic lead up to tell her all of that and when she asked who did it Harrison tells her that he fell out of his bed and onto the floor landing on his face. Now, I’m not trying to dismiss David’s accident or anything like that because I’m sure it was bad for how much blood there was and everything, but like come on. But either way, I was at the edge of my seat dying to know what happened to the poor guy.
The Football Date
Again, I was kinda bored with this date. The guys warmed up and ran drills with two football ladies that I don’t remember who they were (I know, I’m sorry) and then the guys split into two teams and began the game.
This seemed a little unfair to some of the guys because there were guys on this date who actually play football for a living. It was all fun and games for them and especially Clay as he ran to make the touchdown and ended up injuring his wrist pretty badly and was sent to the hospital. He wasn’t there the rest of the date or cocktail party, until the end when he showed up and kissed her and got the rose. He really is a giant teddy bear.
Leo still terrifies me when he talks. Garrett did this thing where Becca picked him up and then he picked her up.
Then there was Blake. Blake was the first person to go on a one-on-one date with Becca in the second episode where they smashed things that related to Arie and Becca’s past. As we all do when in a new relationship, he was starting to get a little insecure about where he and Becca stood because they are in a weird setting and they do have a connection. In true Bachelor fashion as he was talking about his insecurities they were playing a montage of all the other guys on the date getting their time in with Becca. BUT Blake finally got his time with Becca and it was absolutely adorable and I loved every single second of it. Also, Blake looks like he knows how to kiss a girl.
Group Date Rose: Clay
Who I Would Have Given The Group Date Rose: Clay
The Rose Ceremony
Unfortunately, we did not get a rose ceremony tonight, thanks a lot ABC. So we don’t know who gets sent home until next week. But Clay, despite his group date rose, gave the rose back to Becca at the cocktail party. He needed to leave the show to get surgery for a wrist injury. It was really heartbreaking to watch because you know he had the purest intentions with her heart and she seemed to really like him. On Arie’s season, Maquel was able to go home for a funeral and come back to the show so I was hoping that was what was going to happen here, but I don’t think we’ll be seeing Clay on the rest of the season. Maybe Paradise? I sure hope so because that man deserves love and happiness.
Some of Jordan’s Best Lines This Episode
- “You’re a skeleton of a man”
- “Cheers to you being a bitch”
- “I’ll cook, I’ll clean. I’m a golden retriever”
- “Attached to me is professionality. It’s my face.”
- “86 ’em!”
- Times Mentioned He’s a Male Model this Episode: 2
And so there you have it, folks! We’re moving into the fourth week now and connections are starting to be established a little more each episode.
How are we feeling about the whole Colton and Tia thing? What about Jordan vs David? Are you team Jordan or team David? I’m over Jordan after this episode, but I want to hear what you think!
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